“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water and food.” -Dean Ornish

In recent conversations, I’ve noticed a recurring theme: many people, both young people and leaders, are finding it increasingly difficult to create and maintain friendships. This sense of isolation has been exacerbated by the pandemic, which disrupted our usual social rhythms and left many of us feeling more disconnected than ever. The US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy released a public health advisory reporting the damaging health effects of loneliness and isolation. More than half of the US population experiences loneliness. With hope and courage, we can build meaningful relationships that enrich our lives.

The Challenge of Adult Friendships

While forming friendships seemed almost effortless during our school years, the same cannot be said for adult life. Many of us are working remotely, missing out on the casual interactions and spontaneous conversations that naturally occur in a shared workspace. This new reality has made it clear that we need to be more intentional about fostering connections.

The Importance of Real Conversations

In the leadership courses I facilitate, I encourage participants to engage in real conversations and to actively seek out connections. The relationships they form in breakout groups become a valuable support network. They often tell me how much they appreciate these interactions, which not only enrich their learning experience but also provide emotional and professional support.

I’ve personally made some of my closest friends through collaborative projects and group learning environments. Working together towards a common goal creates a bond that is both meaningful and enduring. Others find friendships through sports teams, hobby groups, or volunteering—activities that naturally bring people together.

Everyday Opportunities for Connection

Have you ever struck up a conversation with someone you just met at a conference, on a train, or in an elevator? Research shows that even these simple interactions can enliven and enrich our lives. Nicholas Epley, author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, highlights the benefits of offering a compliment or engaging in a conversation with a stranger. While we might think we prefer solitude, we actually benefit greatly from these small social connections.

Studies have demonstrated that social interactions, no matter how brief, can significantly improve our mood and overall wellbeing. A simple “hello” or a friendly smile can create a ripple effect, positively impacting not just your day but also the day of the person you interact with.

Practical Tips for Building Friendships

If you’re looking to build more meaningful connections in your life, here are some practical tips:

– Be Intentional: Make a conscious effort to reach out to people. Schedule regular catch-ups with colleagues or friends, even if it’s just a virtual coffee break. I have a few friends that I schedule regular conversations. It has strengthened the relationships.

– Join Groups or Clubs: Engage in activities that interest you. Whether it’s a book club, a sports team, or a hobby group, these settings provide a natural environment for forming friendships. I have made new friends recently in a Pilates class.

– Engage in Small Talk: Don’t underestimate the power of small talk. A casual conversation with a stranger can lift your spirits and create unexpected connections. I talk with my neighbors on elevators and at the grocery store. It helps me to feel more connected and brightens our day.

– Be Open and Vulnerable: Authenticity is key to forming meaningful relationships. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts and feelings; vulnerability often leads to deeper connections. I try to be genuine and share what I am exploring or working on. We are all human and learning.

– Offer Compliments and Support: A kind word or a gesture of support can go a long way in building rapport and fostering a sense of community. Again, it’s important to be genuine. It’s helpful to hear what others find valuable. My day is made when someone says they benefitted from my book or course.

Take the Risk

In a world that often feels increasingly disconnected, taking the risk to engage in conversations and build connections is more important than ever. Remember, we are social creatures by nature, and we thrive on interaction. By reaching out and making an effort to connect, we not only enrich our own lives but also contribute positively to the lives of others. Know that relationships are essential for a fulfilling life and that we all benefit from connections.

Building and maintaining friendships as adults may require more effort, but the rewards are well worth it. From enhancing our emotional wellbeing to providing a support network, friendships play a crucial role in our lives. So, take the plunge, start a conversation, join a group, and embrace the power of connection.

Feel free to share your experiences or thoughts on building friendships in the comments below. Let’s continue this conversation and support each other in our journey towards greater connection and community.