In a world increasingly marked by polarization and division, many of us find ourselves navigating strong emotions and uncertainty. As leaders, it’s crucial to anchor ourselves amid these challenges.

Begin with Self-Compassion

Start by being kind to yourself. Allow yourself to fully experience your emotions, whether they are feelings of disappointment, concern, alarm, demoralization, or gratitude. Simply acknowledging, “Something in me is upset,” can redirect your focus from external chaos to your inner center. Cultivate compassion for yourself. By giving yourself empathy, you can calm your mind and engage your prefrontal cortex more effectively. This Open Stance enables you to see possibilities with greater clarity.

Tap into Inner Resources

Remember, you’ve been through difficult times before and have more resources than you might realize. By centering yourself and practicing self-empathy, you not only strengthen your ability to extend compassion and understanding to others but also empower yourself with the resilience needed to face any challenge.

Build Community and Resilience

Reach out to friends and your community. Know that you are not alone in this journey. Ground yourself by appreciating moments of beauty and goodness around you, trusting that these small acts will fortify your resilience and leadership.

Lead with an Open Stance

Taking an Open Stance is more critical than ever. You are invited to join a community of peers committed to openness and resilience. By doing so, you empower yourself to make a meaningful difference and inspire positive change. Together, we can foster a collective strength and inspire hope and resilience.

Embrace this opportunity to lead with kindness and empathy for yourself and those around you.

Learn more about Open Stance Circles here: https://potentials.com/open-stance-community/

I recently met a colleague for lunch and was genuinely excited to see her. In her presence, I find myself feeling like my best self. Our conversations are meaningful, leaving me with new insights and a more positive outlook on life and the future. These interactions are not just pleasant—they’re enriching and productive.

The Impact of Your Presence

Have you considered how people feel when they interact with you? Reflect on the emotions you inspire in others and how they perceive themselves after connecting with you. Do your interactions leave them feeling uplifted, hopeful, and more open to possibilities? These are important questions to ponder.

Creating Meaningful Connections

With awareness and intention, you can significantly impact those around you. Your presence can be a source of encouragement, inspiration, and positivity. By being mindful of the energy we bring to each interaction, you can foster a supportive and empowering environment.

The Ripple Effect of Positivity

The impact you have on others doesn’t stop with them. There’s likely to be a ripple effect. The positivity you spread can inspire others to do the same, creating a chain reaction of goodwill and optimism. This is the power of being intentional with your presence.

In every interaction, you have the opportunity to be a catalyst for change. Embrace this potential and watch as your positive influence extends far beyond the immediate moment.

What inner skills are you developing to create change and impact? I firmly believe that adopting an Open Stance is one of the most essential. My life has changed with this perspective. I am kinder to myself, have better relationships and feel more connected to my community and environment. When we approach ourselves, others, and our environment with an open heart and mind, we unlock the potential to see and connect with endless possibilities. This openness brings more joy and aliveness into our lives, positioning us to make a significant difference for ourselves and those around us.

I was fortunate to recently participate in the Inner Development Goals Summit.

As we confront the multitude of challenges our planet faces, the need for immediate and collective action has never been more pressing. In 2015, United Nations member countries unanimously adopted the Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) to tackle urgent issues such as poverty, inequality, and environmental degradation, with the ambitious goal of creating a more sustainable and inclusive world by 2030. While these goals set a crucial agenda, an equally vital dimension that complements them is the Inner Development Goals (IDGs).

Bridging the Gap with Inner Development Goals

The IDGs serve as a vital complement to the SDGs by focusing on the personal skills and inner qualities necessary for individuals to meaningfully contribute to societal progress. By honing in on the “human element,” the IDGs aim to foster meaningful change for a sustainable future. The framework encompasses five key areas:

– Being: Cultivating self-awareness, presence, and an open, learning mindset.
– Thinking: Enhancing cognitive skills for critical and creative thinking.
– Relating: Fostering empathy, compassion, and care for others and the world.
– Collaborating: Building social skills to engage in trustful, co-creative conversations.
– Acting: Developing the capacity to enable and drive change.

The Skills for Thriving Leadership

These are the very skills I have dedicated myself to nurturing in leaders and organizations. We need inner capacity and personal growth to drive meaningful outer change. The ability to relate to ourselves with empathy and openness, to connect genuinely with others, and to collaborate effectively are foundational to fostering a thriving, sustainable world. This inner growth is not just a personal journey, but a powerful force that can drive significant change in the world.

Your Inner Development Journey

Let us each commit to our inner development journey, recognizing that the change we seek in the world begins within. By aligning our inner goals with the broader societal objectives, we can collectively create a sustainable, inclusive future filled with possibility. Reflect on the skills and qualities you want to cultivate, and consider how they can contribute to a more sustainable and inclusive world.

A friend of mine, who recently relocated to a new town, shared her struggle to make new friends. Her experience resonates with many of us, as we’ve all felt the challenge of forming genuine connections in unfamiliar places. She’s noticed that people often have established friend groups, are busy with their families, and may not be open to forming new relationships.

Building adult friendships can be challenging, especially when balancing work and family commitments. Many find themselves in a similar situation where friendship takes a back seat.

Realizing the significance of these connections is the first step toward change. Research consistently demonstrates that strong social connections contribute to a longer and more satisfying life. Friendships offer emotional support, which can help alleviate feelings of isolation–a growing concern highlighted by people like Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. Our social interactions can enhance our sense of wellbeing and reduce stress levels.

Many of us have not prioritized our connections. I admit that it takes time and energy to invest in relationships, but our friendships sustain us. I’ve personally found that making the effort to reach out, even when it’s difficult, has led to some of the most rewarding friendships in my life.

One simple action is to re-ignite old friendships by emailing or texting old connections. These old connections hold a special place in our hearts, and chances are that the person will be glad to hear from you. An old college friend I don’t often connect with recently called me. It was great to pick up our conversation as if we never missed a beat.

I am more conscious of reaching out to others I meet at local events. I also call people even when I don’t have much time to chat rather than continually put off connecting. You may also introduce people to others. I was grateful to be introduced to a neighbor who shares many interests.

What have you encountered in your journey of developing friendships and connections as an adult?

In a recent meeting with a group of executive coaches, a fellow coach raised an intriguing question: “How do you work with leaders who are not empathetic or caring?”

This is a common challenge. Many leaders, despite their exceptional intelligence and capability, often find it a struggle to inspire and engage their teams effectively. Team members often report feeling uncared for or misunderstood by such leaders. They may describe their work environment as stressful, sometimes even expressing fear of their bosses. The perception is that the leader prioritizes goals and productivity over people.

Understanding the Pressure on Leaders

In my experience coaching numerous leaders, I’ve found that many feel immense pressure to meet goals. These leaders often default to behaviors that secured their roles initially—focusing intently and working harder, inadvertently driving their teams to do the same. This relentless focus on results can overshadow the human element, leading to disengagement among team members.

The Role of Feedback in Executive Coaching

A critical component of the executive coaching process involves gathering feedback from those who work with the leader. The insights can be eye-opening, prompting leaders to reflect and reassess their interaction styles. It becomes apparent that emotional intelligence is crucial in today’s leadership landscape. The traditional command and control style has fallen out of favor, replaced by a need for more emotionally intelligent approaches.

Empathy as a Transformative Tool

I shared with my fellow coaches that one of the most effective ways to encourage leaders to be more empathetic is to extend empathy to them. Allowing leaders to experience being understood and cared for can be transformative. This approach has significantly impacted many executives and participants in my leadership courses. Often, participants seek the right words to engage a disengaged team member. While their instinct might resist curiosity and empathy, past experiences of admonishments and discussions that don’t yield results urge them to consider a different approach.

When leaders receive authentic, non-judgmental empathy about their frustrations and distress, they tend to relax, become more open to options, and consider new possibilities. Empathy helps calm the limbic system, allowing the pre-frontal cortex to engage more fully, enhancing problem-solving and creativity.

Inspiring Empathy and Caring in Leaders

So, how do you inspire someone to be more caring and empathetic? It starts with embodying genuine care and listening with empathy to the leader. Real empathy can be transforming. Often, leaders who seem uncaring do not receive enough empathy because they are perceived as not needing or deserving it, which is unfortunate. Everyone deserves empathy. It’s important to remember that acknowledgment, which is recognizing and validating someone’s feelings, is not the same as agreement, which is endorsing or accepting those feelings; it simply affirms one’s feelings.

The Impact of Empathetic Leadership

Leaders I have worked with who focus on being more open, empathetic, and caring generally lead high-performing teams and experience greater fulfillment. This approach fosters a positive work environment where team members feel valued and understood, ultimately driving better performance and satisfaction.

Have you encountered leaders who successfully transformed their leadership style to be more caring and empathetic? What triggered this change?

Have you modified your leadership approach? If so, what supported your shift?

I invite your thoughts on this topic and encourage further discussion on how we can collectively inspire more empathetic leadership.

So many people have shared their pain with me this week. A newborn grandchild is in intensive care with an uncertain future. Another is facing the aftermath of a hurricane, and their town is devastated. People are still waiting for help. Another ended a long-time relationship. Another has a severe health scare. While another experienced an unexpected death in their family. Someone’s spouse is losing cognitive capacity, and finances are tight. Others have lost their long-held positions as their company downsizes. Some are worried about political polarization and the election aftermath. I could go on, as I know you can.

How do you respond to such pain of others? I am compassionate and often feel moved to action. I donate to some causes, but it feels like it is not enough. Of course, I listen to people and let them know they are in my thoughts and prayers. And they certainly are. I feel a heavy heart for the suffering.

Actually, listening without judgment is a powerful act of empathy, allowing us to connect deeply and provide solace to those experiencing grief, sadness, anger, and other emotions. Being with them is essential. We are interconnected, and it is easy to feel alone during challenging times. Showing our care and concern is valuable. While it can be hard to know what to say, simply being with someone who is in pain, giving empathy, and letting them know we care matters. In addition, I find that sending an email or a text message telling a person they are in my thoughts supports me and them.

It is also important not to get burned out. I used to believe I could not be at ease when others were suffering, and this belief cost me. I stayed in a stress and worry state for too long.

I don’t have everything figured out. Knowing that I am doing my best to listen and be there for others has helped me. In addition, I know that I am doing my part to make life better for others. If we each did something, it could really make a difference for us and others. Research actually shows that those who volunteer or are of service to others experience more positivity.

I am working on recognizing what is mine to do. I focus on asking others how I can be of support rather than taking over, which is a pattern I learned in my youth. I recognize that often, just being there is enough. Of course, where feasible, I offer suggestions and offer other resources for help. I share my own experiences when asked.

Of course, we need to protect our own wellbeing or we cannot benefit others. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Be sure to attend to your own emotional needs and take care of yourself amid the rhythm and pain of life.

I am writing a book with a colleague, Gila Seritcioglu, and teach courses on joy. We recognize that suffering and challenges are a part of life. We need to acknowledge our feelings and give ourselves and others empathy. We have coined the term JOYBeing to mean the joy of being. It is an invitation to connect with the joy of being alive, even during challenging times and to be on the lookout for moments of connection, joy and meaning. I try to notice the beauty around me such as the green trees turning yellow and orange and the blue sky and the sunny day–even amid all the pain and sorrow. I appreciate hearing a moment of triumph from a coaching client.

Managing others’ pain requires balancing empathy with self-care. How do you navigate this delicate balance? Please take care of yourself as you listen with compassion and support for others.

Kindly, share your experiences and insights on how you manage the pain of others in the comments below.

Recently, I have been deeply moved by the countless stories shared by coaching clients, colleagues, neighbors, and friends. The pain they feel due to political polarization is not a solitary experience but a global phenomenon. Families, once a source of support, now find themselves in a state of estrangement and anger. The question that echoes in many minds is: How can someone I care about perceive the world so differently? There are pressures to choose our “team”. This situation is profoundly painful and complex, often leading to a sense of disconnection from our loved ones as the only viable option.

Many are paying attention to social media and other forms of media that reinforce a specific view, making it hard to see other perspectives or to be open to learning. In fact, our own “team” could criticize or ostracize us if we entertain different views.

The Challenge of Polarization

We often view our own perspective as principled while seeing the other side as driven by narrow self-interest. The instinctive reaction is to argue, hoping to change the other person’s mind. However, this only escalates the argument and increases stress. When someone disagrees with us, we assume they are making us wrong, and we naturally become defensive. Some resort to sending articles or asking other family members to intervene, but this approach rarely works. Often, both sides interpret the same facts differently, leading to even more division.

A Personal Perspective

I have witnessed this kind of polarization both in the workplace and within families. Personally, I grew up with parents who saw the world through very different lenses. This lifelong experience has driven my quest to understand how we can foster open-mindedness. This question is at the core of my work and the OASIS Conversations process and the Open Stance postures model, which have been tested successfully worldwide over the past few decades. I have benefitted from listening and trying to understand how someone comes to their views and why they are important to them.

The Path to Openness

The journey towards resolving polarization begins with a profound self-awareness. It’s crucial to recognize that our backgrounds and experiences shape our perspectives. We need to become aware of our judgments and acknowledge when we are not open to listening and learning. By catching these reactions, we can shift our mindset to one of openness. From this state, we can genuinely listen with curiosity and compassion. When we are open and empathetic, we are more likely to find common ground and often co-create solutions. It is helpful to ask people to share their personal stories rather than debating abstract political views. We can focus on respecting others. This journey is not just about reconnecting with our loved ones, but also about personal growth and understanding. There is power in simply being open and listening. We may agree to politely agree to disagree and appreciate the other’s conviction. When people feel unheard or silenced or labelled, there is little hope of moving forward.

Practical Steps to Foster Connection

– Start with Self-Awareness: Notice your judgments and reactions. Recognize when you are not open to listening. Take a time-out, if needed. Remind yourself, “I don’t know what I don’t know” and there are multiple perspectives.

– Shift to Openness: Make a conscious effort to be open-minded. Approach conversations with curiosity, humility, and a willingness to understand.

– Listen with Empathy: Genuinely listen to the other person’s perspective. Show empathy and acknowledge their emotions.

– Seek Common Ground: Identify areas of agreement and shared values. Use these as a foundation to build understanding.

– Appreciate Differences: Recognize and appreciate the unique qualities of the other person. This doesn’t mean you have to agree, but it shows respect.

The Bigger Picture

Ultimately, we are all members of this nation and planet and benefit from creating environments where multiple perspectives are valued. By choosing to build relationships and engage in open-minded conversations, we contribute to a more connected and understanding world. Engaging in non-political activities with family members and colleagues, such as a meal or a community project, can help emphasize our common humanity.

Your Role and Invitation

I encourage you to embrace the challenge of engaging in open-minded and open-hearted conversations during these trying times. It is useful to brush up on your listening skills and recall your intention to be respectful. Take care of yourself too.

Organizations like Braver Angels and Living Room Conversations are providing options for civil discourse, where participants can understand other people’s perspectives. Such forums are ways to expand our perspective about other people’s views.

I know this is a challenging time for all of us. Be sure to get empathy from others.

Share what you are learning and the strategies that work for you. Together, we can navigate this polarization and find ways to reconnect with those we care about.

You are welcome to receive sample chapters of OASIS Conversations here: https://forms.aweber.com/form/59/1587493659.htm

I have my phone near my bed since my daughter, who lives in another city, tends to call late, and I want to be available for her. I know keeping your phone in a room where you don’t sleep is recommended.

I noticed that I started a pattern of reviewing my email before I even got out of bed. It is easy to start flooding our system with a focus on what we must do and the day’s stress. I had to catch myself. I feel more connected with myself and more energized when I follow a different routine.

I have worked to develop a routine that helps me feel energized for the day. This routine has significantly improved my focus, productivity, and overall wellbeing. I am not rigid, but I try to incorporate some key areas. I encourage the leaders I work with to develop a routine to start their days effectively. When we create such patterns, we feel more grounded.

I start my day by reviewing my purpose and a sense of gratefulness for the day. I review key areas such as physical health, psychological health, relationships, work, friendships, and creativity and envision how I hope to be and grow in these realms. I walk up stairs or do some form of exercise such as pilates or strength training. I read or listen to audiobooks or podcasts for inspiration while I exercise. Finally, I briefly write about what I am grateful for and the moments of joy and meaning I experienced the day before. Journaling helps me to notice patterns and appreciate my life. I take a few minutes to breath and be mindful. When possible, I try to step outside for a few minutes, too.

I can incorporate most of these areas in a short period while I get ready for the day; sometimes, I am able to devote more time to reflection. The key is taking some moments to get centered and for ourselves before we jump into our daily activities. Remember, the routine is flexible and can be adapted to suit your needs and schedule, empowering you to take control of your day from the very start.

Of course, you may create space for yourself when you complete your work day, during lunch, or before you go to sleep. The key is to build a routine that strengthens you.

What process have you developed or would like to create to start your day or connect with yourself? I encourage you to share your routines and experiences, as we can all learn from each other and grow together.

As leaders, we often focus on external achievements and professional challenges. However, true leadership also involves looking inward and embracing the multifaceted nature of our inner selves. Being open to the various parts of ourselves allows us to lead with authenticity, empathy, and resilience.

Each of us is composed of numerous internal parts, each with its voice, perspective, and needs. These parts can include an inner critic, a part that nurtures, a part that focuses on achievement, etc. Acknowledging and understanding these parts and appreciating their apparent competing demands is essential for personal growth and effective leadership.

To lead authentically, we must integrate these various parts into a cohesive whole. This involves acknowledging each part’s voice, understanding its role, and harmonizing its contributions to our overall wellbeing.

Practicing self-compassion is a powerful way to embrace and integrate our inner parts. By extending the same kindness to ourselves that we offer to others, we create an internal environment of acceptance and understanding. For example, When faced with a setback, acknowledge your efforts instead of being overly critical and remind yourself that mistakes are part of the learning process.

Engaging in an open dialogue with our inner parts can help us understand their needs and motivations. This process involves listening to each part without judgment and finding ways to address their concerns. Set aside time for self-reflection, where you can journal or reflect on the voices and needs of your inner parts.

Being open to our inner parts requires vulnerability. It means acknowledging our fears, insecurities, and limitations. However, this vulnerability is a source of strength, allowing us to connect more deeply with ourselves and others. It’s okay to be human.

I have been conscious of noticing the tension between different parts of me. I have a part that wants to be productive and get things done and another part that wants to enjoy the beautiful weather outside and experience a sense of calm. It is easy to favor one or the other at different times. Sometimes, I have numbed or shut off the part that wants to relax and push ahead with the work. Of course, this often serves me, and I can be productive.

Instead of favoring one part and shutting off another, I have practiced noticing the different parts and appreciating that each part has unique perspectives, needs, and desires. I know that a large part of me, my Wise Self, can hold the various parts with compassion. From this broader perspective, I can say, “I sense something in me desires to be productive, and I sense something in me would like to be outside enjoying nature.” I can internally make room for all the apparent competing parts within me and sense my wholeness. This balance brings a sense of harmony, allowing me to honor each part rather than have one part take all the space and push out the other.

With this awareness, I made time to go outside first thing. I was at peace as I was productive and felt kinder to my inner parts. I achieved this by practicing awareness and engaging in self-reflection. These practices helped me to better understand and appreciate the different parts of myself, leading to a greater sense of self-compassion.

With kindness and an Open Stance toward my various parts, I have found that I do not have to live so fully from one part. This realization liberates me from self-imposed expectations.

I have been focusing for some time on the power of being non-judgmental, compassionate, and kind to others. I know the benefit of shifting to being open with others and situations. When I focus on taking an Open Stance toward my inner parts, I experience a sense of aliveness and joy. This practice invigorates me, reminding me of the power of seeing and creating space for all of our parts. It is a learning journey that can create a ripple effect. When we are less critical and open toward all aspects of ourselves, we have more energy to be open to others. This sense of aliveness and joy is what I wish for you as you embark on your own journey of self-compassion and understanding.

I encourage you to embrace all of you and be compassionate to your inner parts. By doing so, you will feel more understood and accepted, both by yourself and by others. You will be a more effective leader.

Have you been searching for a fulfilling life? What supports you on this journey? I have been exploring this question with leaders for quite a while, which has led to some valuable insights.

In our forthcoming book, JOYBeing: Connecting with the Essence and Rhythm of Life to Thrive and Inspire, my coauthor, Gila Seritcioglu, and I explore three essential pillars of a fulfilling and vibrant life: mindset, energy, and well-being. When embraced, these pillars become a roadmap for personal growth, supported by practical practices and tools designed to enhance our overall experience and sense of meaning.

Mindset: The Foundation of How We Engage with Life

Mindset shapes our approach to life. By cultivating curiosity, compassion, and presence, we develop the capacity to engage fully and empathetically with the world around us. An open and growth-oriented mindset encourages us to see challenges as opportunities for learning rather than obstacles to be feared. By being present in each moment, we open ourselves up to the richness of life, experiencing deeper connections with others and a greater sense of inner peace.

Energy: The Vital Force of Our Existence

Energy represents the vital force that fuels our physical, mental, and emotional vitality. It influences how we perceive and interact with our environment. By managing our energy intentionally, we can make more empowered choices. How we manage our energy directly impacts our ability to stay balanced and resilient in the face of life’s demands.

Wellbeing: The Holistic State of Thriving

Wellbeing encompasses a holistic thriving state across physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and relational dimensions. It is the culmination of a positive mindset and conscious energy management. By paying attention to and building habits that strengthen overall wellbeing, we can create a life that is not just about surviving but truly thriving. Resilience involves nurturing our bodies with proper nutrition and exercise, fostering meaningful relationships, and aligning our daily actions with our core values and purpose.

Transforming Daily Experiences

So, how can embracing these elements transform your daily experiences and interactions? Consider how a shift in mindset—from judgment and self-criticism to openness and self-compassion or from fear to curiosity—might change how you approach a difficult situation.

Imagine the impact of energy management on your productivity and relationships when you choose to replenish your energy through activities that nourish rather than deplete you. Reflect on how focusing on your wellbeing could lead you to make decisions that prioritize long-term fulfillment over short-term gratification.

When we attune to our mindset, manage our energy intentionally, and take action to support our wellbeing, we position ourselves to experience a deeper sense of aliveness and the joy of being—what we call JOYBeing.

Small Shifts Make a Big Difference

Many small shifts can make a significant difference. For example, you can build the muscle of looking for what is going well and what is possible rather than focusing on what is not working. Embracing a sense of gratitude and savoring moments of joy allows us to experience fulfillment. Making choices that protect your energy for what lights you up adds to your joy. Building habits such as nourishing relationships and friendships, focusing on your health, and listening to your emotions can profoundly impact you.

Share Your Insights

What have you found supports your sense of fulfillment? We’d love to hear your experiences and insights. We can explore the paths to a more fulfilling and vibrant life together.