I hear a lot of comments these days about aging–perhaps because I am getting older. Many people say things like “over the hill” or “downhill from here.”  

It’s so valuable to assess our mindset. Recent research is demonstrating that our mindset about aging can make a huge difference in our experience and well-being. Becca Levy, researcher and author of Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long & Well You Live, asserts that our beliefs about aging impact our longevity and quality of life. Those with positive beliefs about aging live about 7.5 years longer than those with negative views. In addition, those with a more positive view of aging have more positive memories, recover more quickly from injuries, and are generally more positive. 

In her book, The Inside Story, Susan Sands, makes the case that we can experience more joy as we age as we stay attuned to our body sense or interoceptive awareness.  With a positive view of aging, we can appreciate what is happening inside us and outside and experience more presence and joy.  Sands suggests that we can actually be more positive as we age.   

Other research, shared in the book The Happiness Curve, shows that for many people their later years (late ’60s onward) are the happiest time of their lives. The research suggests there is a positivity curve that goes upward–not the downward curve and over-the-hill image we often share. 

What if we could envision aging as a positive opportunity for wisdom and fulfillment, rather than a negative decline? Of course, our bodies age, and we experience loss, but we can reflect on and change our narratives about aging. We can then support changes in the collective narrative. I know of too many people who feel not valued who can actually make a contribution to the lives of others as they age. Just as we are attuned to inequities, we need to be aware of our unconscious biases about age. Are we focusing on older people being slower and less interesting, or appreciating their wisdom?  I recently participated in an intergenerational mentoring program where we shared our experiences. Separated by generations, we were able to shed light on different areas and build a meaningful friendship.  

Examine your perceptions about aging regarding yourself and others. Are you seeing it as a time of decline or fulfillment? Take an Open Stance and experiment with a positive view of aging and notice the possibilities, your choices, and experience.

Burn-out: exhaustion of physical or emotional strength or motivation usually as a result of prolonged stress or frustration–Merriam-Webster dictionary

Many are sharing with me that they are experiencing burnout these days. Healthcare workers seem particularly impacted after the long road of Covid-19 and worker shortages. Yet, clients across industries are reporting a loss of energy and enthusiasm and being overly tired, feeling depleted and exhausted.  Many feel cynical and even angry about their work, family life, and the future of the world. Some feel indifferent like they are slogging through life and that they are not efficient or effective. Researchers say that burnout occurs when demands are greater than our resources, and we experience allostatic stress. More energy is being expended than energy being cultivated.

Sound familiar? Emotions are contagious, and burnout seems to be too. What can you do?  We need to take action at an individual and collective level.

Of course, to address exhaustion, we need to focus on our physical health and ensure that we get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and exercise. We need to take time for rejuvenation and rest. That means taking time away from work and engaging in positive activities that are enjoyable and energy-enhancing. Perhaps you dance, do artwork or yoga or another hobby.

To address cynicism and lack of efficacy, we need to connect with what is most meaningful to us and recall our purpose and values. How can we take action to ensure a greater sense of meaning? Perhaps you help someone who is in need of work on a project that is important to you, such as addressing climate change or inequities. It helps to build meaningful relationships and take opportunities to learn and explore areas of curiosity. It is useful to acknowledge and accept our experience and give ourselves empathy.  Then, we are positioned to take action.

The research on burnout has consistently shown that it is a function of both work environment characteristics and individual behaviors. It is essential that organizations reflect on the systemic factors contributing to burnout and work to create environments that support engagement and productivity. With recent changes where organizations are experiencing high turnover and a shortage of workers, more attention is needed to focus on creating conditions that enable resilience and well-being.

At an organizational level, we need to recognize the stress placed on people when they are continually asked to do more and be immediately responsive to clients and each other. It is important to review systems and processes to assess how to make life better and support healthy engagement. Leaders need self-compassion and compassion for their teams.  Fairness, flexibility, autonomy, reasonable workloads, respectful and inclusive environments where people feel they belong with a sense of psychological safety, clear expectations, feedback, efficiency, alignment around a compelling purpose, and opportunities to achieve potential all contribute to enriching cultures. It is useful to examine norms, policies, and structures to ensure the desired culture.

I have been working with leaders to engage in collective conversations to share diverse perspectives to co-create solutions and healthy environments that support dialogue, learning, and collaboration. When leaders adopt an Open Stance, they are curious and compassionate about making life better for all.

We need to address burnout at an individual and collective level. Emotions are contagious, and we can each make a difference in our sphere of influence to create open, positive, and healthy environments where individually, and collectively we experience resilience, well-being and thrive. Take care of yourself and each other.

Given the accelerating pace of change and uncertainty, I believe that taking an Open Stance is our best way to be resilient and thrive. Rather than reacting to change and new developments, we need to be aware and prepared to respond. We need to be open to learn and to change course when necessary.

Research by McKinsey shows that adaptability is the critical success factor during periods of transformation and systematic change. When we take an Open Stance, we are positioned to learn and to be aware of opportunities.

Of course, our natural response to so much change is to be fearful, to contract and resort to old habitual patterns that may no longer serve us.  When we are closed, our amygdala is activated and we are less positioned to learn new behaviors. When we make the intention of taking an Open Stance, we can engage in practices to build the mental muscle of shifting to being open and embracing possibilities. This is one of the most important skills needed these days for leaders and those who want to positively influence others.

Studies have correlated adaptability with higher levels of learning ability, greater performance, confidence, and creativity. Being open also enhances well-being, connection, and overall satisfaction.

There are many practices that contribute to cultivating an Open Stance to ensure adaptability. A simple one is to build the habit of feeling your feet on the ground as you walk from one place to another and to regularly check-in, take a breath and be present.

Recall your intention to be open. Commit to your wellbeing and take care of yourself. 

The New Year offers us an opportunity to reflect on our health and wellbeing. Dean Ornish in his book Undo It!: How Simple Lifestyle Changes Can Reverse Most Chronic Diseases, provides inspiring research that shows we can become healthy by eating a plant-based diet, exercising, connecting with others and stressing less.  By taking small actions in each of these areas we can enhance our vitality and wellbeing.

I have found being less stressed to be one of the most challenging areas for me. I learned to worry from an early age and I tend to take on more than is reasonable and am motivated to support others and accomplish a lot. I have tended to be a pusher, not of drugs, but pushing myself to do more, be more and achieve more. This approach has been reinforced in our schools and workplaces. However, committing to taking an Open Stance has been transformative. When I remember, I experience more of a pull energy and let go of the worry. I feel more creative and in the flow. I am more productive and can now actually enjoy results.

It is our nature to be peaceful, joyful, curious, and caring. We run after these things and think: “When I have this or achieve that (money, fame, roles, projects, degrees, relationships, etc.) then I will be okay.”  However, it is the running and striving that hides what is accessible when we are more relaxed and open. When we choose openness and quiet our mind and body we stop disturbing what is already there.  When we are open, we connect with an inner sense of awareness of what is and what is possible.  We are able to enjoy our life and contribute.

My commitment is to adopt an Open Stance this year. I know it may feel counterintuitive given all we are facing these days. However, this may be the best time to experiment. I know that being judgmental, closed and pushing are not working for me.  I encourage you to join me on this journey. Let me know your experience as you notice when you are contracted or in judgment and step back and cool down and shift to being open. It is a practice and it is a habit that can be developed.

Commit to cultivating an Open Stance.

As this year comes to an end, it’s a good time to reflect and envision how you want to be and live in the New Year.

For years, I have had a process of setting my intention of how I want to experience life. While it has been useful to set concrete goals like writing a book or developing a program and exercising regularly, it is valuable to identify a quality you want to experiment with and grow.

I usually identify one word for a year. In the past I have had words like ease, gratitude, spaciousness and even joy.   I then post the word on my computer and in places where I will see it.  I find books, articles and courses that explore the concept and expect to enhance my experience of the value or mindset.  I create an intention statement and say it daily.  For example, “I experience joy.”  As I say the statement aloud or to myself, I notice the sensations related to the intention.  With joy, I feel an openness in my chest and a smile on my face and a sense of lightness.

What’s important is that more than just cognitively recalling the word, my intention is to embody the experience. For example, when joy was my focus, I noticed how joy feels in my body and checked in regularly to actually savor moments of joy. I did study joy.  In addition, I worked with a friend and colleague to examine joy and we even developed and facilitated a course called Cultivating JOYBeing.   I also incorporated practices such as noticing moments of joy each day and journaling about them. As I held the intention to live with joy  and looked for moments of joy, I became more familiar and embraced joy.  Before I set the intention for joy, I desired the quality, but truthfully knew worry and stress much more deeply. Setting an intention and incorporating practices to embody the quality is quite powerful. I am definitely a more joyful or JOYBeing person now.

Setting an intention is not an overnight quick fix, but if not now, when shall we start the process of building the habit?  By setting an intention, we are affirming our identity as a joyful, open or grateful person.  Rather than focusing on an action or goal we strengthen who we are.  For example, you can set a goal to lift weights twice a week or you can envision yourself as strong and healthy. When we focus on who we are becoming we build the neural pathways of a strong person and more effortlessly take actions that confirm our identity.

Given the challenges we are experiencing in the world including polarization, rapid changes and uncertainty, I encourage you to consider setting your intention this year to take an Open Stance.  It is so easy to become closed and judgmental to naturally protect ourselves. Yet, when we choose to be open, we can engage in positive and productive conversations to co-create shared solutions that are needed in our families, workplaces, communities and world.

When we build the mental muscle of noticing when we are closed and Stop, Step back and Shift to being open we notice possibilities, experience connection, aliveness and joy.  We can build this muscle with intention and regular practice.  Openness is contagious (and so is being closed).  When we are open, we inspire others to be open.  We need more openness these days at all levels.

How often are you listening to react to your colleague, family member or friend? It is so easy to assume we know what they are saying and want to share our point of view.  We begin rehearsing in our head what we will say and often blurt it out before they even finish. 

We’ve all done this and been on the receiving end of someone not really listening. How does it feel? I know that it does not make me feel more connected to the other person.  

Rather than focusing on sharing my perspective or giving a solution, I have found being genuinely curious and giving empathy builds relationships and results. 

When I relax a bit and allow myself to be authentically curious, I  often learn that my assumptions are off and I find new worlds of possibility and connection open up.  

It helps me to wonder, “What is important to the other person or group?” I also reflect on what is important to me in the interaction and our shared interests or common ground.  It helps to give the other and myself empathy. Empathy is naming the emotion the other is experiencing. Doing so does not mean I necessarily agree with their point of view. 

There are so many opportunities to really listen to others in our life. Experiment with genuinely being curious and giving empathy. What do you notice? 

For most of my life I have recited an internal mantra, “I have to write a report.  I have to  help my neighbor. I have to take my child to school. I have to respond to emails. I have to make dinner. I have to call a client.  I have to write a book…”

I wonder about all the hours I have spent talking and thinking about all the things I had to do. While I have done a lot of things, I can’t say I have always enjoyed the journey.

James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, shared that his college strength and conditioning coach, Mark Watts,  taught him an invaluable life lesson. Rather than saying, “I have to…”, we can switch one word and say, “I get to…”

“I get to write a report.  I get to help my neighbor. I get to take my child to school. I get to make dinner. I get to respond to emails.  I get to write a book.”

Can you experience the difference?  Rather than feeling stressed when I feel I “have to”, I  feel excited about the opportunities that I “get to.”  I feel thankful to be alive and to embrace the experiences.

I am continually reminded of my fortune and opportunity when I interact with people who are not capable of taking care of themselves. I appreciate that I have a wide range of choices and opportunities. We need to be aware of our inner narrative and the stories we tell ourselves. We are often unaware of the power of our inner dialogue and our related mindset.

Having an Open Mindset is about being open to opportunities. With an Open Stance I appreciate all that I chose and what I “get” to do.

Notice your mindset and experiment with changing one word. 

In my OASIS Conversations Course, I ask participants to experience being curious with a partner. I instruct them to be genuinely curious about their partner and begin each sentence with, “I’m curious….For example, they could say, “I’m curious about your experience with your cat that I see on Zoom.” or “I’m curious about how you plan to spend the holiday.”  or “I’m curious about your role and how you are applying what we are learning.” When a person is genuinely curious, their partner seems to come to life. The partner shares freely and both partners are energized and experience connection.  In fact, the energy of the whole class is elevated with this simple exercise. 

Recall a topic or area that you are curious about. For example, I am genuinely curious about what motivates people and how to create positive and productive relationships and environments. I studied Organization Psychology and am always learning and  experimenting. I feel excited to develop new models and understandings. Notice where you sense the curiosity in your body. I notice that my chest is open and I feel lighter. 

When we are genuinely open-minded and curious, we create an open environment for connection and learning. 

When we are not genuinely curious there is a lack of connection. We are not curious when we feel we must find an answer and feel a pressure to solve something. 

Pay attention to your experience of curiosity today. Experiment with being curious in your interactions. Notice where you experience curiosity in your body and the impact of curiosity.

No doubt, you’ve heard about the many benefits of being mindful. When we are present, we experience more possibilities and more aliveness. We listen more attentively and have more influence. 

Marshall Goldsmith, the famous author and executive coach,  shared that after reviewing over 400 books on Buddhism and mindfulness that one of the best ways to be mindful is to ask ourselves a simple question that he heard from Carol Kauffman, founder of the Institute of Coaching at Harvard Medical School.  She suggested the question,  “Am I being the person I want to be right now?”

This is a great question to call us back to the present moment.  I would add one more word, “Am I being the open person I want to be?”  When we take an Open Stance we are open-minded/curious, open-hearted/compassionate, open-centered/courageous and open-handed/taking kind action. When we are open we are grounded and appreciate what is, we are optimistic about what is unfolding, we are grateful and open to inspiration. When we are open, we are connected to what is meaningful, connected with others and the greater environment.  Taking an Open Stance is being truly mindful and living fully. 

Are you being the open person you want to be?

When I talked with Ken about the death of his elderly father, he shared that his siblings and family were angry at him for live-streaming the funeral rather than engaging in the traditional Irish wake and funeral. They did not seem to understand that he was honoring the wishes of his mother to keep the gathering small and keep the grandchildren safe, since most were not vaccinated. Ken wondered if he would be able to reunite the family.  Sally was facing a similar dilemma.  Her son is getting married and the bride’s family does not support vaccinations. Young family members are expected to be in the wedding ceremony without masks. 

I was invited to speak to a group that was meeting in a restaurant. The convener mentioned how important in person meetings are to him. Others chose not to attend the meetings since COVID-19 cases were rising in our town. 

I hear about such challenging dilemmas people are facing often.  Many have chosen not to talk with friends, family members and colleagues. Others have cut off relationships completely. These are difficult conversations.  

First, it is important to become aware of your own emotions and to be kind to yourself. These are challenging times and we are each required to assess risk and determine our comfort levels without full certainty. I used to say that most things we face with our colleagues and family members are not life and death issues. However, more things raise our fears now and may  feel like life and death issues.  Notice intense feelings and give yourself empathy and ask for real empathy from a friend in order to cool down and have some space in order to to shift to being more open and curious. Sometimes this may take some time.  

When you are ready for a conversation, be respectful of the other person. In fact, you can say something like, “My intention is to be respectful and open. I want to hear your perspective.”  It is easy for each of us to feel that those with other views don’t value or respect us.  Work to be genuinely curious and open to learn. 

From this stance, fully listen and give empathy to the other person’s view. Perhaps they feel that worrying about safety does not make sense. You can appreciate their point of view. Empathy does not mean you agree. You can even say that you value your relationship and can respectfully agree to disagree. We each have different backgrounds and have different reasons for our positions. You want to understand what is below the position and understand what is most important. Ideally, you and your family member or colleague will want to maintain your connection. 

Ideally, you will then be able to agree on an action that will meet both of your needs.  For example, Ken and his siblings agreed to have a family Zoom gathering where the grandchildren and all the family members could freely say goodbye to their father and grandfather.   Sally and her son agreed that the young family members would wear festive masks in the wedding ceremony.  The group I spoke with had an additional video meeting for those who chose not to meet in person. I spoke twice. 

Most importantly,  each of those involved in these cases felt respected and felt that the relationships were valued and even grew as they worked through the potential conflicts. 

These are challenging times where we each need to take an Open Stance and assess how to manage our risks and how to foster our relationships. It requires being self-aware and respectful as well as empathetic as we engage in conversations.