We cannot be in a state of wonder and also be judgmental. We have a desire for certainty, yet life is full of uncertainty. We are sure that we and others we love will die one day and that things will not remain the same. Otherwise, we cannot button down certainty. We can trip and fall or hear scary news anytime. We all have experienced such moments that change things in an instant. How do we live with this uncertainty?

We adopt an Open Stance as our way of being. We allow wonder, openness, and gratitude to be our companions. With wide-open eyes and arms, we appreciate the sky and the sun’s warmth on our backs. We appreciate the smile of a friend or a neighbor. We know that we are not alone on this journey of life. We embrace the moment before us and are grateful to be alive. Even when we face challenges that we wish would go away, we embrace the moment and trust that there is life and learning in the moment. We may even wonder, what is this moment offering, what can I learn? From the state of wonder, we connect to the inner aliveness that is always available. We sense life’s vitality and choose this moment and the next, fully present in the now. We are grateful for this experience and this growth. We call this connection to life, nature, and others the joy of being–JOYBeing.

Wonder is the spark that ignites our curiosity and fuels our desire to explore the world around us. It is the awe-inspiring feeling we experience when encountering something new, beautiful, or unexpected. Wonder has the power to:

– Expand Our Horizons: When we approach life with a sense of wonder, we open ourselves to new experiences and perspectives. We become more receptive to learning and growth.

– Inspire Creativity: Wonder stimulates our imagination and encourages us to think outside the box. It is the driving force behind innovation and artistic expression. When we allow ourselves to be captivated by the world’s mysteries, we tap into a wellspring of creative potential.

– Foster a Sense of Connection: Experiencing wonder often involves moments of connection with something greater than ourselves, whether it’s the beauty of nature, the intricacy of a piece of art, or the complexity of scientific discovery. These moments remind us that we are part of a larger tapestry of life, fostering a deeper sense of interconnectedness and reducing feelings of isolation.

For a more fulfilling life, it’s crucial to build the habit of taking an Open Stance and embracing wonder. A friend suggested we ask, “I wonder what this moment is inviting?” This simple question can empower us to take control of our mindset and approach life with a sense of openness and curiosity.

I would love to hear about your experience of wonder.

“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water and food.” -Dean Ornish

In recent conversations, I’ve noticed a recurring theme: many people, both young people and leaders, are finding it increasingly difficult to create and maintain friendships. This sense of isolation has been exacerbated by the pandemic, which disrupted our usual social rhythms and left many of us feeling more disconnected than ever. The US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy released a public health advisory reporting the damaging health effects of loneliness and isolation. More than half of the US population experiences loneliness. With hope and courage, we can build meaningful relationships that enrich our lives.

The Challenge of Adult Friendships

While forming friendships seemed almost effortless during our school years, the same cannot be said for adult life. Many of us are working remotely, missing out on the casual interactions and spontaneous conversations that naturally occur in a shared workspace. This new reality has made it clear that we need to be more intentional about fostering connections.

The Importance of Real Conversations

In the leadership courses I facilitate, I encourage participants to engage in real conversations and to actively seek out connections. The relationships they form in breakout groups become a valuable support network. They often tell me how much they appreciate these interactions, which not only enrich their learning experience but also provide emotional and professional support.

I’ve personally made some of my closest friends through collaborative projects and group learning environments. Working together towards a common goal creates a bond that is both meaningful and enduring. Others find friendships through sports teams, hobby groups, or volunteering—activities that naturally bring people together.

Everyday Opportunities for Connection

Have you ever struck up a conversation with someone you just met at a conference, on a train, or in an elevator? Research shows that even these simple interactions can enliven and enrich our lives. Nicholas Epley, author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, highlights the benefits of offering a compliment or engaging in a conversation with a stranger. While we might think we prefer solitude, we actually benefit greatly from these small social connections.

Studies have demonstrated that social interactions, no matter how brief, can significantly improve our mood and overall wellbeing. A simple “hello” or a friendly smile can create a ripple effect, positively impacting not just your day but also the day of the person you interact with.

Practical Tips for Building Friendships

If you’re looking to build more meaningful connections in your life, here are some practical tips:

– Be Intentional: Make a conscious effort to reach out to people. Schedule regular catch-ups with colleagues or friends, even if it’s just a virtual coffee break. I have a few friends that I schedule regular conversations. It has strengthened the relationships.

– Join Groups or Clubs: Engage in activities that interest you. Whether it’s a book club, a sports team, or a hobby group, these settings provide a natural environment for forming friendships. I have made new friends recently in a Pilates class.

– Engage in Small Talk: Don’t underestimate the power of small talk. A casual conversation with a stranger can lift your spirits and create unexpected connections. I talk with my neighbors on elevators and at the grocery store. It helps me to feel more connected and brightens our day.

– Be Open and Vulnerable: Authenticity is key to forming meaningful relationships. Don’t be afraid to share your thoughts and feelings; vulnerability often leads to deeper connections. I try to be genuine and share what I am exploring or working on. We are all human and learning.

– Offer Compliments and Support: A kind word or a gesture of support can go a long way in building rapport and fostering a sense of community. Again, it’s important to be genuine. It’s helpful to hear what others find valuable. My day is made when someone says they benefitted from my book or course.

Take the Risk

In a world that often feels increasingly disconnected, taking the risk to engage in conversations and build connections is more important than ever. Remember, we are social creatures by nature, and we thrive on interaction. By reaching out and making an effort to connect, we not only enrich our own lives but also contribute positively to the lives of others. Know that relationships are essential for a fulfilling life and that we all benefit from connections.

Building and maintaining friendships as adults may require more effort, but the rewards are well worth it. From enhancing our emotional wellbeing to providing a support network, friendships play a crucial role in our lives. So, take the plunge, start a conversation, join a group, and embrace the power of connection.

Feel free to share your experiences or thoughts on building friendships in the comments below. Let’s continue this conversation and support each other in our journey towards greater connection and community.

“With equanimity, you can deal with situations with calm and reason while keeping your inner happiness.” -The Dalai Lama

I come from a big family, and there always seem to be challenges. The rhythm of life is comprised of fallow moments and times of flourishing. We can’t escape the ups and downs of life. However, we can work on managing our reactions. We can notice habitual patterns that may have once made sense but may no longer serve us. For example, a habitual pattern of jumping in and trying to control others may have made sense when we were younger, or striving for perfection may have been helpful to get good grades, but ten drafts of an email might not be the best use of our time and attention now.

Equanimity is the ability to be even-minded in facing life’s challenges. When we let experiences unfold and accept the transient nature of life, we become more flexible. Life naturally has disappointments. We can appreciate that our emotions continue to change, look for what we can learn, and trust our resilience and ability to thrive. This is an aspiration, and I have many experiences that allow me to develop the muscle of being open. It’s a work in progress, for sure.

We all want to experience a sense of inner calm and joy. When we intend to notice our judgments and shift to being open, we can be more responsive rather than reactive. When we make it a choice and practice to be open and experience equanimity, we influence others by our presence. We can learn to be calm when we notice our sensations and reactions. This serves us and those around us.

Embracing gratitude for who we are, what we have, and our lives is a powerful tool to navigate life’s twists and turns. It’s not just a practice, but a mindset that can bring a sense of peace and contentment, even in the face of challenges. Gratitude helps us to focus on the positive in our lives, shifting our perspective from what we lack to what we have.

There are many other practices that help us to manage disappointments and challenges. We can reflect and look for the growth opportunities. We can take care of our physical and emotional wellbeing. We can develop relationships where we share empathy, support and compassion.

What strategies do you find most helpful in navigating the rhythm of life’s ups and downs and challenges? Your experiences and insights are valuable and can contribute to our collective growth.

People who have heard me emphasize the importance of joy have been reaching out to me this week. You may have noticed that the Democratic nominee for Vice President, Tim Walz, began his first address with, “Thank you for bringing back the joy!”

Regardless of your political stance, it’s crucial to recognize the power of joy, especially for leaders. Joy isn’t typically associated with politics, particularly in recent years marked by significant polarization.

Similarly, joy is often absent from our workplace discussions. In a world beset by complexities—conflicts, stress, relentless technological advancements, and rapid change—it’s easy to drift away from joy, that vibrant energy that is our birthright.

Reflecting on a time in my career when stress and responsibilities overwhelmed me, I initially dismissed joy as unattainable. However, a conscious effort to reconnect with joy through simple practices like gratitude journaling and mindful walks led to a profound personal transformation. This journey reinforced my belief in the transformative power of joy.

We can reconnect with joy, and doing so provides us with hope, energy, and the ability to see new possibilities. Experiencing joy in our bodies opens our hearts and encourages proactive action. Connecting with joy doesn’t mean becoming Pollyannish; instead, it allows us to perceive challenges as opportunities and mobilize energy for action.

Emotions are contagious. The palpable shift in enthusiasm within the Democratic campaign following President Biden’s difficult decision to step aside is a testament to this. Instead of feeling hopeless and defeated, there is a renewed sense of liveliness and possibility. This new focus inspires more people to join and ignites a collective drive to work towards something meaningful.

When leaders connect with their inner joy and convey a sense of hope, they inspire others and open up a world of possibilities. Our natural negativity bias makes it easy to see what is or could go wrong. However, we can connect with joy by recognizing this instinct and strengthening our ability to shift towards an Open Stance. We should never underestimate the power of joy. We can all be leaders within our spheres of influence. Research shows leaders and organizations that model and encourage joy are more productive and creative.

So, what are you noticing about joy these days? Take a moment to reflect on how you can cultivate more joy in your life and sphere of influence. Share your experiences and inspire others to do the same.

A coaching client asked to meet. His face was red, and his eyes narrowed as he told me, “I’m furious with my colleague. I cannot work with him any longer. His voice shook as he declared, “I am looking for another position.”

Of course, I listened and showed empathy to him as he shared the story of what happened. “You’re angry and frustrated… You feel betrayed and hurt.” After our meeting, the leader experienced a profound sense of relief and calmness. He could now see the situation from different perspectives, even recognizing his part in the interaction. He left with a plan for how to address the problem, no longer in a rush to leave the organization. In fact, he worked out the disagreement and continued to work effectively with his colleague after an open-minded conversation.

The key was being able to manage his emotions and judgments, see a wider perspective, and then engage in what I call OASIS Conversations.

We need to have the intention to be open-minded and take an Open Stance, and it is critical to manage our reactions so that we can be more responsive and more at choice.

One powerful way to self-regulate is to receive empathy from a friend or a trusted advisor. Equally important is to recognize and appreciate your own emotions and give yourself empathy. This self-awareness empowers you to take control of your reactions and responses.

We each need to find strategies that help us cool down and self-regulate when our emotions are strong. You may take a time-out and remind yourself to be open. You may listen to music, take a walk or dance, spend time in nature, or engage in an activity that nourishes you.

Emotionally intelligent leaders are more effective and create more engaged environments. Research shows that those who know how to control their strong emotions are more effective and experience more satisfaction.

I encourage you to notice what supports your self-regulation.

Learn more about how to self-regulate with this Open Stance reflection here: https://forms.aweber.com/form/69/1063828569.htm

I’ve had the fortune of working with many leaders and teams, with the goal of strengthening them to create more engagement, collaboration, and successful outcomes. Across organizations and industries, there is a consistent factor that predicts success. Researchers confirm the importance of focusing on the kind of respectful environments created.

Google’s quest to uncover the ‘secret sauce’ of high-performing teams led them to a surprising discovery: psychological safety is the key factor that sets these teams apart.

We exert extra energy to function when we are in a team or community where we don’t feel welcome and valued and where different views or mistakes are not allowed. Our nervous system gives us the message that we are not safe, and we divert our energy for protection rather than innovation and creativity.

According to Timothy Clark, when we feel psychologically safe, we feel included, safe to learn, safe to contribute, and safe to challenge the status quo.

An essential step for creating safety in a team, group, family, or relationship is to discuss how you want to work and be together directly. You can be explicit that it’s okay to bring up diverse views and what it looks like to be respectful. It is then helpful to check in regularly about honoring the norms and identifying what else is needed.

I work with teams to develop the OASIS Conversation skills to engage in open-minded dialogue and find common ground. Listening with empathy and managing our judgmental perspective can make a big difference for high-functioning teams, creating an oasis-like environment.

What can you do to support yourself and others in feeling safe?

You can get the OASIS Conversation infographic here: https://forms.aweber.com/form/37/252789837.htm

Once in a class, the leader asked us to see how many things we could do at once. He listed things like noticing what others were doing, paying attention to what was happening outside, recalling a memory, etc. Some participants said they could only do one or two things at a time. I believed I was efficient at multitasking and could handle multiple things simultaneously.

Managers tell me they can attend my class, work on their long list of emails and texts, handle crises as they emerge, and attend several meetings at once. We begin to think that multitasking should be the norm or we are not being productive.

We are now learning that multitasking is not good for us. Not only does it limit performance, but it could also affect how our brains work. Stanford University research finds that multitasking is less productive than doing a single thing at a time. This counterintuitive discovery challenges our belief in the efficiency of multitasking. They found that people regularly bombarded with several forms of electronic information cannot pay attention, recall information, or switch from one task to another as quickly as those who complete one task at a time.

The study found that people who believe they are adept at multitasking, as I once did, are actually performing less effectively than those who do a single task at a time. The truth is that multitaskers are slower at switching tasks than they realize. Our brains can only focus on one thing at a time, and it takes a significant amount of energy to continually switch tasks. The research even suggests that multitasking can lower our IQ, a sobering fact that should make us reconsider our habits.

Personally, I’ve embarked on a journey of being fully present in what I’m working on and letting go of the myth of multitasking. This personal experiment has been enlightening, and I encourage you to share your experiences. I notice that I am more present in what I am doing. I feel more focused and less in a striving mode. I may be getting more done with more enjoyment. See what you experience.

I was on a relentless quest to become a better version of myself for many years. I devoured training programs, books, and resources that promised growth and self-improvement. Each new piece of knowledge illuminated yet another area where I could improve. It felt like a never-ending journey, and while I’m grateful for the knowledge I accumulated, something was always missing.

A fundamental transformation came when I embraced a different paradigm that I use with my executive coaching clients and leaders in my programs. This new mindset was a game-changer: Each person is whole, resourceful, and capable.

A Paradigm Shift: From Striving to Unfolding

Instead of constantly striving for improvement, I began to trust in my inherent wisdom and potential. I realized that we are naturally whole, and the journey is about uncovering what stands in our way—like clouds obscuring the sun. This shift made all the difference.

Rather than feeling caught in a perpetual state of “not enough,” I adopted an Open Stance toward the present moment, trusting that life would unfold in valuable ways. This mindset alleviated the draining sense of comparison and fear that plagues so many of us today. Of course, it takes intention and practice to recall this way of being.

The Power of Belief

When we believe that we—and those around us—are whole and capable, we can fully engage with the present moment and respond as needed.

This belief makes us more agile in our awareness and decision-making, allowing us to flow with life rather than against it. Our openness becomes contagious, enabling others to feel open and make choices that support their own growth and aliveness.

Imagine the Possibilities

How would your days change if you believe you are enough as you are and capable of realizing your potential? Imagine approaching each day with the confidence that you can make healthy choices, not because you’re striving to be better, but because you already are.

This shift in mindset can transform your life. You no longer expend energy on the futile pursuit of perfection. Instead, you joyfully embrace the present, trust in your natural capabilities, and allow your true potential to unfold.

Embrace Your Wholeness

So, ask yourself: What if you believe you are already whole and capable? How would that change how you live, work, and interact with others? The journey to self-improvement then becomes a journey of self-discovery, allowing your inherent wisdom and potential to shine through.

Adopt this paradigm and see the difference it makes. Embrace the belief that you are enough, and watch your life transform in ways you never thought possible.

Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences. How has this mindset shift impacted your life? Let’s continue this journey of unfolding together.

Are you trying not to take things for granted? During the pandemic, we promised ourselves that we would appreciate connecting with others and our sense of freedom, safety, and well-being. It’s incredible how easily we adjust and take what we have for granted.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? The experience of habituating to what we have is universal. Neuroscientist Tali Sharot’s research confirms this, showing that we easily habituate to both positive and negative experiences. We remember the first time we experienced a new scene, like the beach or a new relationship, and then we got used to these experiences.

We easily habituate. Work may have been exciting initially, but we got used to it. We know it’s time to find a new experience when it becomes less attractive. I tell coaching clients that they are expected to reach a point when they need to modify or change their work.

Our brain has limited resources, and once we process something, our system prepares for the next experience.

What can we do? In her book Look Again: The Power of Noticing What Was Always There, Sharot recommends that we focus on changing things up. She suggests that variety enhances our psychological experiences and counters the effects of habituation. We learn and gain knowledge when we work on different projects and interact with different people. Learning feeds our brain like eating chocolate without the calories.

Practice making small changes and introduce novelty into your life. Perhaps you take a break and go for a walk rather than keep working on a project. Consider learning about a new area and expanding your awareness.

How can you consciously add variety to your day to experience more joy?

A client of mine had an amazing breakthrough in one of our team coaching sessions some time ago. I was shocked and disheartened when we returned for the next session, and they did not seem to act on or recall the inspiration. Since then, I have consciously incorporated reflection and closure into my work as an executive and team coach and organization development consultant.

We often invest time and energy in opening or starting meetings and initiatives. However, we may not pay attention to closing and reap the benefits. We are often too focused on moving on to the next meeting, project, or initiative or hesitate to address emotions often associated with endings.

Effective closure is not just about tying up loose ends; it’s about mobilizing energy for the next steps and new initiatives. When something is unfinished, such as writing a paper, paying taxes, or completing communications, our energy is tied up with what we need to do. But when we finally complete the task, we often experience a profound sense of relief and a release of tension. When we take the time to assess what we are learning, we can redirect our energy to the next project and feel a sense of calm and satisfaction.

I have found the following questions to be useful for closure:
– What are you leaving with from this experience? What meaning are you making?
– What has worked well?
– What is unfinished?
– Is there anything else that needs to be said for closure?

I make it a point to allow space for closure in coaching sessions and team interventions. I don’t wait until the final closure of the engagement, but I pay attention to closure at the end of every single interaction. This practice has proven invaluable. Asking, “What are you leaving from this experience?” often brings about a significant shift in perspective, emphasizing the importance of closure in every interaction. When we do this, we ensure more learning and appreciation.

What is your experience with closure?