I have been fortunate to be pretty healthy. I noticed I resorted to an old pattern when I was recently ill. I closed myself off and did not expect people to support or care for me. “I can take care of myself.” I noticed that I felt alone as I isolated. I recalled hearing my mother admonish me, “You’re going to get sick when you don’t wear a hat in the winter.” I decided that I would not show illness and not need help. I essentially never missed a day of school or work again.

We all have patterns that probably once served us quite well and were a creative choice in our youth. We learned how to numb ourselves from hurt or potential pain.

I notice that some leaders continue such patterns of numbing in the workplace. It is easy to stay at the transactional level and not show care for team members or colleagues. Some leaders hold back from giving genuine empathy. Others mask their need for belonging with busyness and overwhelm. Stress numbs our ability to be authentic and connect.

I often encourage leaders to adopt an Open Stance. We can learn to notice when we sense judgment in ourselves and others and learn to stop, step back, cool down, and shift to being open. We also benefit from recognizing our old numbing patterns that no longer serve us and cause us to become closed in an effort to protect ourselves.

We all have these patterns, and we can support one another by appreciating our humanity, listening with curiosity, and working to create environments where we can bring our whole selves and experience a sense of belonging.

We need to be open and kind to one another and create communities where we can engage in open-minded conversations, appreciate our uniqueness, and co-create solutions. We will be better positioned to support each other as we each do our inner work. Leaders I coach have noticed that when they are numb or closed and have experimented with sharing their experiences, being more vulnerable, and caring for themselves and others, they experience greater connection and even joy.

Leadership self-development is an ongoing process and a most satisfying journey. With our enhanced awareness, we can influence others and make a difference.

I encourage you to reflect on your numbing patterns and take steps to foster a more open and empathetic stance toward yourself and others and a collaborative and supportive workplace culture.

Where do you sense you are numbing or closing yourself from genuine connection?

Learn about ways to enhance your self-development in 12 Top Ways to Enhance Your Leadership Self-Development.

Get it here: https://potentials.aweb.page/p/01142682-8360-49d2-b8d9-6920170e2ca6

I love teaching courses for managers and coaches. I have been fortunate to work with a wide range of people around the globe. We naturally ask for feedback, and I am grateful that many people say that my courses significantly enhance their perspectives and relationships with colleagues and families.

While people are generous in giving positive feedback, getting input to enhance programs is not so easy. Occasionally, someone will suggest making the course shorter or longer. Have you had the same experience when asking for feedback?

One helpful suggestion by Adam Grant is to ask, “What is one thing I can do to be better next time?” While feedback focuses on the past, advice focuses on the future. In addition, we honor the participants’ expertise when asking for such advice and pave the way for collaborative growth. Also, providing one suggestion is generally not too taxing for the giver or receiver.

I have witnessed the transformative power of feed-forward in action. I find that asking colleagues of executive coach clients for their advice about what a leader can do shifts the focus from critique to constructive guidance and is quite valuable. I also ask how they can support the leader. It is a more positive approach. Marshall Goldsmith calls this feed-forward.

It is essential to recognize the subjective nature of feedback and advice. It is based on the person’s experience, and you must consider how useful it is for you. I have always found it helpful to remember that feedback often reveals more about the giver than the situation–a humbling reminder of the intricate interplay between perception and reality.

I invite you to try an experiment and ask for advice with an open mind and heart. You can ask for advice anytime and from anyone. Whether from colleagues, clients, or unexpected sources, the wisdom gleaned from diverse perspectives has the potential to catalyze profound transformation. Both feedback and feedback-forward advice can help us reach our potential.

Learn more about the OASIS Conversations process to support you in giving and receiving feedback and advice here https://forms.aweber.com/form/37/252789837.htm.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve strived for a sense of ease. I envisioned navigating through life with a lightness of being. Yet, upon reflection, I’ve noticed a recurring pattern: as soon as I master one area, I am drawn to explore newer challenges and territories.

From fostering engaged and inclusive cultures in organizations to designing leadership programs for organizations like the United Nations and Ford Motor Company and from executive coaching to writing books and leading Open Stance peer coaching circles, my journey has been one of continuous growth and evolution. Each new endeavor brings with it a mix of excitement and discomfort.

Of course, these areas are related and build on one another. While I am deeply grateful for the opportunities I’ve had and the work I love, I won’t say that I am always comfortable. In fact, every time I enter unchartered territory, whether with new clients or innovative approaches, I experience a level of discomfort.

However, I’ve realized that discomfort is not a sign of failure but a hallmark of success. In Adam Grant’s insightful book, “Hidden Potential,” he shares that those who achieve their fullest potential are often “creatures of discomfort.” They embrace challenges head-on and stretch themselves beyond their comfort zones.

Grant’s research suggests that discomfort can be a catalyst for growth. When we push ourselves beyond what feels familiar, we become more focused, motivated, and willing to put in the effort required to succeed. Rather than shying away from discomfort, we can learn to see it as a sign of progress and a pathway to realizing our true potential. Helen Keller states, “Character can not be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

So, let us embrace discomfort as a natural part of the journey toward growth and success. Let us approach new challenges with courage and curiosity, knowing that each moment of discomfort is an opportunity to expand our horizons and unlock hidden potentials within ourselves.

I am grateful to be on the journey with you. What’s your experience with discomfort?

Amid turbulence and uncertainty, from the lingering effects of the pandemic to global strife and tension, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Yet, amid these challenges, there are still moments of joy waiting to be noticed and embraced. Joy makes life worth living. By actively seeking out and acknowledging these moments, we not only lift our spirits but also create ripple effects of positivity that can support others in navigating their journeys.

Much like birdwatching, where setting our intention helps us spot elusive creatures, intentionally seeking joy allows us to recognize and appreciate its presence in our lives. Despite its fleeting nature, joy serves as a messenger, offering glimpses of what truly matters to us and guiding us toward fulfillment and purpose. When we consciously try to notice, savor, and nurture these moments, we cultivate a more profound sense of integration within ourselves and the world around us.

Personally, I’ve found joy in simple interactions, like sharing a smile with a neighbor or completing a project that brings a sense of accomplishment. Even taking a walk can be a reminder of the gift of health and strength. And through practicing gratitude, we amplify the vibrancy and meaning of these moments, deepening our connection to the joy they bring.

I invite you to join me in this practice of joy-watching. Take a moment today to experiment with noticing the small moments of joy that arise in your life. What do they reveal about what you value and cherish?

I would love to hear about your experiences and how embracing joy enriches your journey.

Are you a seasoned leader stepping into a new role or organization? It’s a thrilling yet daunting experience, filled with both excitement and challenges. Over my years of coaching leaders in similar transitions, I’ve observed a familiar pattern unfold.

Upon joining a new organization, you’re often welcomed with enthusiasm and assured that your skills and expertise are precisely what the company needs. As you settle in, you quickly identify areas where improvements can be made—low-hanging fruit that could enhance efficiency and effectiveness. You’re brimming with ideas and eager to demonstrate your value.

Initially, your colleagues seem receptive to your insights. They acknowledge the potential for positive change. However, it doesn’t take long before you encounter resistance. Your suggestions, once met with curiosity, now face skepticism. People are wary of your proposed solutions, dismissing them as impractical or incompatible with the organization’s culture.

Despite your best efforts to garner support, you find yourself hitting roadblocks. Persistent frustration or complaints may even lead to suggestions of coaching or concerns about your fit within the team. Doubts creep in, and you question whether you made the right decision in joining this group.

So, what’s the way forward?

I advocate for a patient and empathetic approach during the initial months. Instead of rushing to prove yourself, take the time to understand the organization and its dynamics truly. Appreciate that existing processes and systems evolved for valid reasons, even if they seem inefficient to you. Prioritize building relationships and fostering an open-minded attitude. Refrain from sharing too often how things were done at your previous employer.

Consider enlisting the support of a coach early on in your journey. A seasoned executive coach can provide valuable insights and facilitate constructive conversations with colleagues. Additionally, seek out mentors within the company who can offer guidance and perspective based on their own experiences.

If you’re already facing resistance, a coach can help navigate the challenges by interviewing colleagues to identify underlying dynamics and potential areas for resolution. This collaborative approach has proven successful for both my clients and me.

As you embark on this new chapter, I extend my best wishes for a fruitful journey.

Reflecting on your experiences, what advice would you offer to professionals entering new roles or organizations? Share your insights and suggestions—it may guide someone through their transition.

In today’s world, it’s too easy to get caught up in the polarizing debates surrounding us—from politics to climate change and everything in between. I’ve witnessed firsthand how disagreements among work colleagues or neighbors can escalate into personal disputes, dividing and fracturing a community.

It’s natural to believe that our perspectives are the “right” ones. Still, this mindset further entrenches us in our positions, closing us off to alternative viewpoints and solutions. Ultimately, this only diverts our energy away from what truly matters.

So, what can we do to combat polarization and foster a sense of unity within our communities? One simple yet powerful step is to befriend our neighbors, even if we hold different political views or opinions. Instead of focusing on our differences, let’s seek out common ground—the desire for safety, the well-being of our children, and the vibrancy of our workplace or neighborhood.

Initiating conversation can be as easy as chatting about the weather, discussing local events, or sharing a passion for sports. Through these interactions, we see each other as fellow human beings, each doing our best to navigate the complexities of life.

I’ve experienced the richness of befriending neighbors with diverse perspectives. Connecting with people at my gym and neighborhood has gained new insights, expanded my sense of community, and cultivated a more profound sense of optimism.

So, let’s commit to reaching out and connecting with our neighbors and colleagues, building bridges of understanding and compassion one conversation at a time. Together, we can create a community where everyone feels valued, respected, and included.

What is your experience of connecting with a neighbor or colleague who has different perspectives?

Learn more about how to engage in such conversations here. Infographic and chapter of OASIS Conversations: https://forms.aweber.com/form/37/252789837.htm https://forms.aweber.com/form/59/1587493659.htm

A simple thing we can do to make life better for others and ourselves is to let people know they matter. How do we do this when we are busy and have a long to-do list?

We can turn our attention toward someone and really listen–even a few moments make a difference. Too often, we are distracted, perhaps on a device, and we fail to turn toward someone and give them our full attention. We can do this in person, on the phone, and even by text. Allow yourself to recall that your child, partner, colleague, vendor, shopkeeper, or neighbor matters to you. And they do. We sense the difference when someone listens.

Research shows that even giving a few moments of attention to a person we meet in our daily interactions supports them in feeling they matter, and you benefit, too.

Another way to demonstrate that someone matters is by showing appreciation. In addition to thanking a person for what they do, appreciate who they are and their unique qualities. Actually, name a quality you value in them. For example, “Thank you for getting the report to me; I appreciate your thoroughness and dependability.” When we take a moment to value a quality, we support and reinforce the person’s identity as a thorough and dependable person. We all benefit when people notice our strengths. In addition, people know what is important to you and that you notice.

Research shows that these small acts of recognition and connection are essential for a fulfilling life. Small actions matter, and we don’t have to be perfect. Make it a practice of showing that people matter to you. These small gestures can brighten someone’s day and enrich our lives, whether a simple text message, a heartfelt voice message, or a genuine compliment.

Finally, don’t hesitate to tell people that they matter to you. Many of us have been conditioned to assume people should know you care. Yet, too many people don’t know they matter these days.

I want you to know that you matter to me, my colleagues, and my friends. Thank you for being a part of my life and our connection.

A diet that proved effective for one friend did not align with another, just as someone’s favorite show does not captivate another’s interest.

We are each unique; what resonates for one person may not necessarily do so for another. We are each shaped by diverse backgrounds and experiences. One person loves sports and being outdoors, and another prefers video games or books.

It is up to us to pay attention to what brings us joy.

Make it a practice to reflect on your day and notice what brings an inner and perhaps an outer smile. Our emotions provide valuable insights into what holds significance for us. You may have enjoyed a heartwarming conversation with a friend, a creative doodling session, or the satisfaction of solving a problem. You may value a sense of belonging, experience hope, and connect with your aliveness.

Allow yourself to enjoy these moments and add more of them to your days. I know we often feel like we don’t have time for joy or don’t deserve it and push it away. However, when we allow ourselves even small moments of joy, we connect with our inner aliveness and energy. As we expand our reservoir of joy, I believe we then have more to offer to others. Our very presence, enlivened with joy, can make a significant difference, for we are connected, and our emotions are contagious.

So, what moments of joy have you noticed today?

Embrace, savor, and share the energy of aliveness and hope.

I have had the opportunity to participate in several groups where we have formed meaningful friendships and grown together. For example, I am in a group with coaches where we share what we are learning and call on each other for resources and even support on challenges we face. Another group is comprised of somatic coaches; we have been exploring the power of somatic coaching together for many years. Another group that began during the pandemic is focused on supporting one another with personal development.

We begin each group with a check-in where we share what is happening in our lives and our learning focus. We often have a topic for dialogue.

We have come to know each other over the years, and I appreciate our growing friendship. We can see the arc of our lives and how each is learning.

There are many ways to learn and develop these days. I encourage you to invest in yourself and support others through such groups. It is so easy to feel isolated these days; we need each other as humans.

The 20th-century French sociologist Émile Durkheim coined the term “collective effervescence,” stating that group activities excite and unify us.

Research has consistently shown that our connections are essential for creating a sense of wellbeing, resilience, and thriving.

As a coach and organization development consultant, I may be more attuned to the power of group development than some.

For the past few years, colleagues and I have been facilitating Open Stance Circles. The purpose is to come together and share how we are being open or closed. It is about connecting with others who see the power of being open. We begin these meetings with a check-in where people share their experiences, and we use a peer coaching process to focus on a specific challenge. People learn and experience the power of connection. I envision having Open Stance Circles available for many to benefit from connecting with colleagues and learning and growing together. Some are being certified to facilitate these gatherings. Ideally, we collectively positively influence our environments.

What is your experience with groups?

You are welcome to experience an Open Stance Circle. Learn more in the link https://potentials.com/open-stance-community/

Consider this simple yet potent exercise that I often give coaching clients: notice what enlivens you and gives you energy and what depletes you.

In the whirlwind of our daily lives, understanding these dynamics becomes an essential compass, especially in the face of a demanding work environment, the intricacies of home life, and an uncertain world.

We are each unique, and if we pay attention, we notice what fuels our energy. I’ve discovered that beginning my day with a walk, exercise, and reflective moments grounds me, fostering a connection with myself. Energy amplifies when I engage with friends, indulge in artistic pursuits, or embark on a learning journey. Being outdoors, with its expansive embrace, never fails to evoke a sense of joy within me.

Others have shared their rejuvenating rituals, from playing musical instruments to crafting. The key lies in attentive self-discovery–recognizing what supports your wellbeing. Perhaps it’s the rejuvenating power of sufficient sleep, the joy of pet companionship, or the nourishment of a wholesome home-cooked meal.

Equally crucial is identifying what drains you. Whether it’s the habit of complaining, waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes, or an overbooked day, pinpointing energy drains empowers you to reclaim control.

What drains us? A client of mine discovered that her tendency to complain about a colleague was a significant drain. With awareness, we delved into the issue, prompting positive changes in the relationship and fostering a mindset shift toward recognizing what was going well.

We all carry habitual patterns that might have once served us well. Through conscious awareness, we can deliberately choose thought patterns and actions that become sources of strength and support. The path to joy and wellbeing starts with these introspective inquiries.

So, what is on your list of resources to enhance? What is draining you that you are actively working to reduce or eliminate?