What brings you energy, and what depletes your energy? This is a question I ask my coaching clients and one I have pondered myself.

We each have a signature set of values of what is important to us and what lights us up. Interestingly, these things are so much a part of how we live that we are often unaware of what is most important to us.

Also, we often adopt values and ways of being that become worn-out clothes that no longer fit us. It is beneficial to reflect on what is most important to us during times of transition–partnering, building a family, changing roles, retirement, etc. And who isn’t experiencing a transition these days?

When we know and honor what is most important to us, we experience more meaning and joy. For example, vitality and energy are essential to me. I allow time in my day for exercise. It’s a great way to start my day. I was well aware of this value.

One day a friend told me, “You like to create things.” I had not consciously labeled this value. When I agreed that creating is important to me, I reflected that I feel most alive when I am developing a course for leaders and synthesizing ideas that will be useful and make a difference for people. I ensure I am working on a creative project that will be valuable to others.

When we do what is most important, we experience a sense of meaning, aliveness, and JOYBeing.

Notice what gives you energy and joy as well as what does not. You can ask friends and colleagues what they notice too. Commit to doing more of what is important to you and brings you energy, and see how you naturally influence others in the process.

Cultivating an Open Stance is about being open to ourselves, others, and our environment. With a sense of compassion, curiosity, and acceptance of “what is,” we unlock the gateway to joy, meaningful connections, and a world of possibilities. 

We have a natural confirmation bias that predisposes us to detect danger and dwell on negative aspects. In our interactions with others, it is easy to notice what we perceive as flaws or negative attributes. For example, we may notice someone’s lack of politeness, and label them as self-centered or focus on their pessimism.    

However, we can consciously develop the habit of looking for strengths and positive attributes in others. Everyone has natural strengths, unique talents, and valuable qualities. Regardless of how different they may be from us, we can appreciate the generosity, kindness, vision, and curiosity that exists within them. 

In her book, Leading hArtfully: The Art of Leading Through Your Heart to Discover the Best in Others, Diane Rogers suggests that we consciously magnify another’s essence. Can you imagine the positivity and profound impact that can be generated when we recognize and appreciate the strengths of those around us? We are creating a culture of positivity and empowerment.  

We all benefit from hearing about our gifts. Too many of us have been conditioned to feel “not good enough.” And too many of us hear about and focus on the areas we need to develop. By doing a simple practice of valuing the strengths of others, we can collectively shift toward a more uplifting and encouraging narrative.

Take a moment to look for others’ strengths, value them, and offer appreciation to them for these qualities. Try an experiment and look for the gifts in others and notice the impact on them and you. For example, you could say to a friend, colleague, or acquaintance, “I appreciate your dedication to volunteering, your positive perspective, or your kind smile.”

Observe the ripple effects of this simple act of appreciation on both them and yourself. A simple Open Stance moment of validation can sow the seeds of joy and possibilities. 

I welcome hearing about your experience and what you notice.  

If you are like me, you may feel like you are juggling multiple responsibilities and find yourself multitasking. I have always aimed to get a lot done and seem to keep adding more things to do!

You may have heard that multitasking can have a negative impact on productivity, focus, and overall sense of well-being. Our brains were not designed to handle multiple complex tasks at one time. Sure, we can be folding clothes and listening to a podcast. However, when we are trying to write an email and respond to others simultaneously, our concentration and quality of output are reduced.   

The first thing we need to do is appreciate the negative consequences of multitasking–reduced concentration, divided attention, and decreased quality of output. 

Then we can focus on prioritizing and allocating our time, energy and attention to what is most important. In fact, if we put some things aside and focus on one thing, we are more likely to experience a state of flow where new ideas emerge with ease.  

Reducing distractions such as notifications, multiple apps, and open windows supports focusing.   

My clients and I have found it useful to block times on our schedules for tasks that involve reflection and focus. When we honor these times for a single project, such as writing an email, blog, or book, we are likely to experience progress.

I have found that focusing on being present and taking moments to breathe, and being mindful support my ability to focus. Writing a list of all the things I have to do, as well as journaling to empty my mind before a project, helps with concentration. 

Researchers suggest that we take a break at least every 90 minutes or an hour. Set a timer and allow yourself to walk a bit, stretch, breathe, do something fun and hydrate. Notice your renewed energy for focus.  

Experiment with being intentional in choosing to focus and immerse yourself in a single task, especially that which is most important to you. Also, notice the impact of giving full attention to a family member or colleague, by simply being present and listening. It could really make a difference in your relationships.  

Let me know what you notice, and I wish you the best with this!

If you are like me, you may tend to focus on areas for your development. When I coach leaders, they often focus on their weaknesses, such as the need to enhance the ways they interact and improve their strategic and leadership skills. Of course, focusing on building new skills is helpful, and we can all grow and learn.

However, it is also worthwhile to notice and appreciate our strengths and leverage them. Focusing on our strengths can make us more confident and motivated, and support us in applying our natural skills for results.

For example, a client of mine excels in building and fostering relationships. It is natural for her to attract clients and hone in on their needs. With a greater appreciation of her strengths, she was able to apply the skills to build relationships and grow her network with her colleagues within her organization.

It seems obvious in hindsight, but she had not recognized the need to use her natural skills inside her organization. She is not the only one. I have coached many leaders who are excellent at building external relationships and fail to see the benefit of applying the same gifts internally. It took a bit of focus and awareness, and she was able to capitalize on her natural strengths to build solid relationships with peers and others in the organization. This was not only relatively easy, once she became aware and focused, it also significantly enhanced her career progression.

Another leader was skilled at leading meetings and being spontaneous with teams of people. He felt he could not formally present. However, when he realized his coaching-like approach could be a great way to share information and that he did not have to be a “motivational speaker,” he relaxed and excelled at communicating with groups of people. He was perceived as authentic and believable and a great leader.

An excellent way to become aware of our strengths is to pay attention to what we most enjoy and what seems easy. It is also helpful to ask for feedback from others. A possible exercise is for team members to share what they perceive to be each other’s strengths. Funny, how it is often hiding right in sight.

What strengths are you taking for granted? How can you leverage them?

It seems counterintuitive; why would we want to be open amid so much polarization and uncertainty?

When we are aware and manage our reactions and shift to being open, we build the mental muscle that enables us to manage stress and be more confident amid uncertainty. We learn to be a better version of ourselves with more meaning and fulfillment. Finally, we are better positioned to influence others and build stronger relationships and engagement.

Coaches, leaders, and change agents need to learn and adopt an Open Stance amid differences and uncertainty. It enhances their leadership effectiveness, decision-making ability, adaptability, collaboration, and personal growth. Taking an Open Stance enables leaders to create inclusive environments, leverage diverse perspectives, navigate complexity, and seize opportunities for growth and innovation.

If more of us developed the Open Stance perspective, we would be better positioned to make a difference during this time in the world collectively.

I have often said, “I don’t have enough time. How can I get everything done.” “If only I had more time.” I hear the same comments from the leaders I work with. Do you feel too busy?

Research by Cassie Holmes, author of Happier Hour, shows that many of us experience a sense of time poverty. Many of my clients fantasize about creating more space, and some talk about changing jobs or retiring. However, even those who have left the workforce often complain that they are too busy and stressed.

The research shows that those with too little time and those with too much discretionary time are the least happy. Those who seem most satisfied are engaged in fulfilling activities while experiencing a sense of being.

What does “being” look like for me? I notice that when I am “being present” with coaching clients and my classes, and when with others and nature, I am open and enjoying life. I experience a sense of spaciousness and trust in life. I sense I am growing and learning. When I try to do too much and focus on all I have to do, I notice a tightness in my body and a sense of constriction. I am often holding my breath.

I aim to stay connected to being as I engage in meaningful doing. I have had to examine old patterns that keep me saying yes to things and an old belief that I will have a sense of being “good” the more I do. We all have old beliefs that take some examination to experience a release and create a new decision about how we want to live. We learn and grow as an acorn naturally grows into an oak tree. Research shows that we actually experience joy from our journey rather than when we achieve a goal. Too often, we just set another goal on the hedonic treadmill.

I am working on paying attention and noticing when I am open and being and noticing when I am overdoing. I then work to examine my choices. I continually check in and choose an Open Stance. Of course, this is a work in progress. I sense that when I am being, I am in the flow of life. I am more relaxed and experience life with an open heart and mind, and I am enjoying the moments. This kind of being is well worth the focus, and I experience joy and aliveness. I remind myself of the joy in being and reiterate my intention for JOYBeing–experiencing joy in being.

How do you relate and manage the relationship between “being” and “doing”?

We underestimate how important our mindset is. Some of us naturally see the glass as half full and others as half empty. Some of our perspectives were inherited from our early experiences with caregivers and our life experiences. So often, we are unaware of this context and how it shapes us.

With awareness, we can notice what we are saying to ourselves and build new patterns. We are learning that neuroplasticity allows us to create new pathways in the brain literally. A study conducted at the Harvard Medical School showed brain scans of pianists as they played the piano. Later the musicians were asked to imagine playing the piano. The identical part of the brain became active. When we rehearse, neural pathways are enhanced, and new habits are formed. The good news is that we can become aware and shift our mindsets.

A simple experiment I have been trying is to reframe. I used to say to myself, “I need to do the chores. I need to get work done. I need to…” I am shifting to saying, “I get to … make a meal for my daughter, I get to walk, I get to pay my taxes.” I am grateful that I am healthy enough to walk, cook and work. It’s a simple shift. We know things are constantly changing. How can we enjoy this phase of our life, and what we can do at this time?

Try this simple experiment, and let me know how it works for you.

When I was a child, I was dumbfounded that my parents seemed to see the world so differently and seemed to miss each other when communicating. I wondered how they could perceive things so uniquely and then fail to communicate. How can people work together and make things happen when they experience things so differently?  

This became a life question for me. I saw the same kinds of misunderstandings and lack of effective communication in schools and the workplace. It’s what led me to study Organization Psychology, become a coach, and develop the OASIS Conversations process. I believed that since conversation skills are so essential, they must be learnable. 

Former LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner says, “As businesses increasingly rely on cross-company collaboration, they’re emphasizing interpersonal communications more heavily. Unfortunately, this is a job skill many employees are lacking.”

LinkedIn analyzed skills shortages based on data from member profiles and job postings across 100 major U.S. cities. LinkedIn found the top skills gap across the United States is communications. Given my experience working globally, I suspect this gap is widespread.  

I am confident that communication skills are learnable and can be enhanced at any stage of life or in any role. Engaging in positive and productive conversations is one of the most critical skills for leaders, managers, coaches, change agents, and people who want thriving relationships and results.  

One of my clients told me that all the leaders in her large organization had learned the OASIS Conversations process. She sees tangible results and better relationships, and it is changing the culture.  

One of the most challenging aspects of being an effective leader and manager is to manage ourselves. So often, we are unaware of our habitual patterns and are more prone to reacting under stress than responding with choice.  

It takes effort to manage our nervous systems. We notice our internal contractions, judgments, and assumptions when we are aware and can pause before reacting. This simple pausing and shifting to being open allows us to see more possibilities and to make more effective choices. Since emotions are contagious, leaders positively influence those around them when they can calm themselves. Open-minded people have more access to their creative and analytical thinking and are positioned to create solutions.  

Practice breathing and slowing down to become aware of your reactions and then shift to being open. It is a critical skill for managers, leaders, coaches, and influencers.

A leader recently called me and reported that he could not make himself get his work done. He was depleted and lacked energy. He felt burned out. 

Many of my executive coaching clients have pondered the same question lately. It is easy to feel depleted with all the challenges leaders, families, organizations, and communities face.  

Leaders, coaches, change agents, and parents can easily focus on others and what is needed and forget about themselves. However, it’s essential to take care of the basics to thrive. This means getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and walking or exercising. 

I asked this leader what he enjoyed doing. He liked hiking, sailing, and playing tennis.  When I asked him the last time he engaged in any of these, he could not recall. He had set aside all these joyful activities. He also shared that he was getting little sleep and needed to focus more on a healthy diet or taking time off with his family and friends. 

It is not easy to put work aside and care for ourselves when so much needs to be done. However, if we fail to find moments for rest and joy, our bodies will say enough at some point.  

Leaders and influencers must model caring for themselves to inspire those around them to do the same. 

What is one thing you can do to replenish yourself today, next week, and next month?  Schedule a break today. Notice the impact on you and those you work with.