Category Archives: Focus

Emotions are Contagious

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Research has demonstrated that emotions are contagious. Within milliseconds, our bodies are picking up others’ emotions. When we sense that someone is open or closed, we tend to react similarly. Your openness or closed-mindedness can spread to others and influence the climate. You may have experienced the contagious nature of emotions at a gathering of people. If you walk into a room where people are in conflict, you will likely sense a heaviness. On the other hand, if you walk into a space where people are in a positive mood and enjoying each other, you are likely to feel more upbeat and light. We pick up the emotions of others in a matter of milliseconds, and it can be unconscious.

When judging, we experience the classic fight, flight, freeze, or appease adrenaline reaction to a perceived threat. Our older brain structure and limbic system, which are the human brain’s emotional parts, immediately react to potential danger. This happens even before the neocortex, the brain’s thinking section, can register the perceived threat and provide rational input. Our reaction occurs so quickly that it appears automatic, so we may not be immediately aware of it. That’s why it is useful to get to know our predominant sensation signals and understand when we are closed to new information.

It’s important to recognize our impact as leaders and to take an Open Stance. We can do this by engaging in practices such as grounding and being present, being optimistic about what is unfolding, being grateful and being curious and compassionate. When we recognize that emotions are contagious we can influence those around us.  

– Excerpted from the forthcoming book, Open Stance: Thriving Amid Differences and Uncertainty

Should You Front-load Rest?

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A leader I am coaching has a huge project with a deadline in a few months. He and his team have been working diligently to make progress including working 7 days a week. In some ways, it feels like writing a dissertation, except he has many meetings and other responsibilities too and cannot devote all of his time to the looming project. As time passes, he understandably has become more tired and is not experiencing the excitement of the project. He is not alone these days. The added stresses of COVID, economic uncertainty and polarization create a greater sense of exhaustion for many of us.

Experts suggest that rather than focusing on managing our time, we pay attention to managing our energy. While our instinct is to push through the tiredness and keep stretching ourselves, it is best to front-load rest and allow recovery. It is much more efficient to prevent fatigue than recovering from it later. This means before we allow ourselves to get to the burn-out stage we build in rest and rejuvenation. For example, we can start our day with exercise, reflection, breathing, connecting with our values and intentions or make time to connect with friends. We also need the basics of enough sleep, nourishing food and down-time.

Research with executives and in sports science have demonstrated that effective energy management is the rhythmic movement between energy expenditure (stress) and energy renewal (recovery). Stress can actually be a stimulus for growth. The problems come when we experience chronic stress without recovery which depletes energy and leads to burnout and hurts performance.

I try to encourage my college-age daughter, clients and myself to build in this rest even when it seems hard to make the time. When we build some of these habits they will support us during the challenging times.

Leaders need to model how they build in recovery. In addition, they need to encourage team members to take care of themselves with rest and rejuvenation. Too often, bosses say they respect people but are not aware of the costs or the time and energy required for projects and do not support people in taking rest. Leaders need to model their commitment to managing energy by taking time off themselves and asking team members how they are supporting themselves.

I know this is easier said than done. I have a long project list and many commitments. I have had to create habits such as building into my calendar time for exercise, reflection, time with friends and even time to watch a movie with family members.

Focus on what sustains your energy and build habits that support you. Model up-loading rest and encourage others in your life to do the same. Engage in conversations about how to build and manage energy to experience more joy and more productivity too.

See No Stranger

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We have seen a lot of name calling and division these days. Family members, co-workers and neighbors are not speaking with one another based on diverse political views and other perspectives. It is often hard to understand how someone can see things so differently from us. We believe we are seeing so clearly and others must have blinders on. 

We are receiving different information on our social media feeds and we are watching different news sources and most often conferring with like-minded people who concur with us. 

Unconscious implicit bias affects all of us. We are primed to see “us” and “them.” We discern in an instant whether someone is one of us or one of them. This happens before conscious thought. Our body releases hormones that prime us to trust and listen to those who are a part of us. It’s easier to feel compassion for one of us. We experience fundamental attribution error where we attribute negative motives to others’ behavior while we tend to be positive toward ourselves when exhibiting the same behavior. We think of us as multidimensional and complex and we think of them as one-dimensional. 

Where do we go from here? Ideally, we begin to look for common ground, treat each other with respect, engage in dialogue and create systems and a future that works for all of us. Rather than be closed, we need to shift to taking an open stance. We need to adopt an open mindset and open heart where we commit to being curious, engaging in wonder as well as being compassionate and kind.  

Valeri Kaur, author of See No Stranger, suggests that as you see people who are different, say to yourself, “Sister,” “Brother,” “Aunt” or “Uncle.” Recognize that each person is facing challenges and desires similar things. Essentially, we can train our minds to emphasize kindness and expand our inner circles. Not only do we support more connection with others, this practice supports our wellbeing. 

We can each take actions to make life better for all and we can begin with expanding our own awareness and commitment to being open rather than closed.

Contagion: What are You Spreading?

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We’ve heard about how measles are spreading at rapid speed significantly influencing communities. In a similar way emotions are contagious.

In a study a group of nurses were asked to keep a daily log of their mood, work challenges and the overall emotional climate of their team. After three weeks, the researchers could significantly predict the mood of the entire team based on the positive or negative mood of any one nurse. The emotional contagion occurred when the moods were influenced by those outside of work and when the nurses only spent a few hours a day together. Overtime, a mood can spread through an organization and greatly influence the culture.  

Another study showed that just witnessing another person who is stressed can cause stress to a person. That’s kind of scary given how many people are stressed these days. However, another study suggests that worrying about being stressed may be a real killer. In a study with thirty thousand participants people who had a lot of stress but didn’t worry about being stressed lived longer. Those who had a lot of stress and believed it was hurting them were over 40% more likely to die after eight years.  Other studies suggest that we need some stress to support growth and seeing it as positive may help people to live longer. People who retire and don’t engage are more likely to live less.

Given emotional contagion, how can we accept stress as a part of life and realize that it can even support focusing and longevity? How can we more consciously create a positive mood for ourselves and those around us?  A simple step is to be aware of your mood and to reflect on what you are grateful for.

Recognize that your mood is influencing others and see how you can be more open and positive.

Expand Your Vision

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I often work with clients to clarify what is most important to them to ensure they are actualizing their values. We have so many decisions to make regarding how to spend our time, energy and resources.  Given the fast pace of change and our need to be agile, we are served when we are clear about what is most important to us and our larger goals or vision.

I recently had the opportunity of hearing about the vision of the Basque region of Spain to become known internationally as a center for advanced manufacturing and social inclusion.   Industry generates 29.9% of its GDP. Their focus on manufacturing comes from a vision and strategy to ensure excellent health and education systems for their citizens. They have developed an integrated training and education system that is recognized as a best practice in the European Union.

Their vision to focus on human development and manufacturing has enabled various businesses, and public and private organizations to work together effectively.  Together with a shared vision, they have positively influenced their citizens and are now sharing their learning across different communities to make an even bigger difference.

It can be challenging to create a vision within an organization and even more challenging in a city or community where people have different interests.  However, the collective effort to work toward shared visions is greatly needed these days and can be quite rewarding.

According to the April Gordon Report (www.Imperialcorp.com),  in the US over 10 million jobs remain vacant where there is growing unrest among Americans who are unemployed or underemployed. The changes in technology make the need for more public-private partnerships and broader visions to understand changes in the labor market demands and the needed changes in education.

I meet many people who want to make a difference amidst the wide range of challenges. We need to focus on systemic change.  These larger goals require vision and the ability to be open and engage in dialogue.

Consider your purpose and how you can convene and collaborate with others to make an impact.

Elevate Trust

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An immense amount of energy is spent when we don’t trust a coworker or family member. When we can’t count on someone to follow through on their promises we experience higher levels of cortisol which limits our openness and relationships with others. We are less creative or open to new ideas.  On the other hand, when we are interacting with someone we trust, there are high levels of the neurotransmitter oxytocin which creates more of a sense of bonding and openness.

It is valuable to pay attention to how we are trusting others. Do we have an habitual pattern of expecting the worst and mistrusting people immediately? It is useful to notice our level of trust and to work to create positive trusting environments.  We can experiment with being more vulnerable and sharing more about ourselves. We can be explicit about expected norms or terms of engagement that we can reflect on from time to time and modify as necessary. We can ask for what we need and follow up.

Pay attention to your level of trust and take actions to elevate the environment of trust with those in your workplace and elsewhere.

Are You Creating an Environment of Respect?

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A senior leadership team was surprised to see negative scores on an employee engagement survey. I conducted focus groups and confidential interviews to learn more. Like many organizations, the company had gone through significant changes and restructurings and this caused uncertainty.  However, the thing that seemed to be at the core of the negative scores was the experience of a lack of inclusion or respect. People did not feel that their managers cared about them or listened and valued them. A climate of distrust had been created where people did not openly speak with one another.

The cost is high when people don’t feel valued. Usually they believe it is because of the way they look or their function or role. When people feel there will be retribution for speaking up even more energy is required to create an open and inclusive environment where people feel engaged.

Just as in any relationship, we need to take stalk of the climate we are creating. Are we respecting others and seeing them as individuals with hopes and needs?  How you can create an open and inclusive environment? Begin by genuinely engaging in conversations to demonstrate interest and respect.

Listen to Connect Not Correct

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Drawing by Ann Van Eron

“What is he thinking? What a terrible idea! Does he see how he is going to hurt the staff and the company?” This is what Trish told me she was thinking as her boss shared a new idea that he thought would save money and address a big problem.

Trish had immediately told her boss why the idea would not work. She was surprised that he could not see the foolishness of his solution.  Unfortunately, Trish was not successful in influencing her boss to consider other options and in addition, their relationship soured.

What happened? Trish immediately identified what she believed was wrong with her manager’s idea and began arguing her point of view. She did what we all do often. We focus on correcting or rejecting an idea before we ensure that we are listening fully and connecting with the person speaking. We need to manage ourselves and make sure we understand that the other person is saying and also identify how they are feeling by providing empathy. For example, Trish could have said, “You are concerned about the problem and believe this solution will address the challenge and address the budget deficit too.”  Her boss would have felt heard and been more open to a conversation. Because he felt judged he became closed to a genuine conversation of exploring options and also became closed to Trish.

Notice your response when you hear ideas you don’t agree with (give yourself empathy) and stop and shift to being curious and open. Focus on listening more intently, share what you have heard, give empathy and be open to learning more.

Take a Time Out

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You are having a conversation with a colleague and while you have intended to remain open you feel yourself becoming agitated. You know that you are not fully listening and note your judgement.  What can you do?

You can notice your judgement and recognize that you are not open or in your oasis. You can share, “I realize I am feeling a bit agitated or stressed. You and this conversation are too important to me, and I want to be fully hearing you. Let’s take a short break and reconnect in 15 or 30 minutes.”  Ideally, the other person will appreciate your concern for the relationship.

Research by John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, found that when couples were engaged in conflict and their cortisol levels became elevated that their conversations were not productive. He began to say that there were problems with the video equipment that was being used in the experiment. He found that after approximately a 15 minute break, the couple could resume in a positive state and were better equipped to address differences.

Notice when you are triggered and are in judgement with elevated cortisol levels. Take a break and cool down and become open. Notice the impact on your interactions.

Advocate for Open-Minded Conversations at all Levels

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Open-Minded_Conversations

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”—Helen Keller

A leader told me that he was excited about a big new initiative for his company. The board supported the new direction, which he believed would result in increased market share and exponential success for the company. He asked me to facilitate a team retreat to work on implementation.

In preparation for the meeting, I spoke with participants to learn about their views about the new initiative and what was needed to proceed. It became clear that not everyone was on board and that it would be a challenge to gain support from the various roles. This is not an unusual finding. Often, the senior team has been so involved planning a new initiative that they fail to realize the process for creating alignment. It cannot occur by broadcasting the change and expecting people to joyfully make the change. We know that approximately 70% of change initiatives fail. A primary reason cited is resistance to change. In reality, it is because people have not engaged in real open-minded conversations. Often people see the problems with new initiatives and are genuinely concerned about the well-being of clients, staff and the organization. People see things that the senior leaders do not. Senior executives forget that they have a different perspective and have been living with the challenge for some time.

To create real change people need to understand and embrace the new way. It is important to have meaningful conversations around the current state and to agree on the urgency for transformation. This is best done in an open and safe environment where people can share their views and genuinely listen to one another. Ideally, key people and groups collectively understand why a shift is needed now and the implications of doing nothing. Given the disruptions in the marketplace the need for transformation becomes compelling.

With the need for transformation established and the benefit of open-minded listening to the various stakeholders, the group is ready to establish a shared vision that can be the leverage for upcoming changes.

When people feel respected and that they are heard and aligned with a direction, the implementation flows more smoothly. Those impacted by the change have energy for developing and implementing change because they are involved in the conversation.

I have been fortunate to facilitate many leadership retreats and stakeholder conversations and experience the sense of magic and energy when people do engage in open-minded conversations and create a direction together. It is palpable to see the energy released for transformational change. Organizations embark on new endeavors and relationships are enhanced and become more productive. People learn to “assume positive intent” and not to make people wrong for their views. During these times of disruption, no one can create a real impact alone. We need each other’s strengths and diverse perspectives.

I encourage you to advocate for open-minded conversations at all levels—among leadership teams, across units, with clients and between colleagues. I introduce the OASIS Conversation process in organizations to foster meaningful dialogue.

A colleague and I are offering a workshop on how strategic use of a leadership retreat can launch transformational change for your department, business or organization and your career in Chicago on June 25. Find out more about the retreat here.