Where Do You Find Hope?

My niece had an assignment for school and asked me and others to answer the question, “Where do you find hope?”  It is a provocative question with many possible answers. I encourage you to reflect on it and find your answers.

One way I stay hopeful is to look for learning and opportunity in situations.  I recall how I have grown through past disruptions. In a sense I choose to trust life and believe in people.  Albert Einstein once said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.”  Granted, this view has not always been easy to have during this year that has been full of challenges. However, I believe that being aware and open to what is unfolding is a useful strategy. Hope keeps us motivated and inspires us to explore new avenues and proceed with energy and confidence. 

We can also look for signs of hope. Seeing the young care about the planet and peace and taking action gives me hope. Seeing so many recognizing the need for equity and that many people are finding ways to do their part to support others is inspiring. While we tend to focus on the negative and the challenges, with a positive vision for the future we can overcome obstacles and be grateful for all that we have and what is possible.

I encourage you to find hope and share it with others. Together we can make our families, workplaces and communities work for all.

Build Social Trust—Be Neighborly

We are facing many challenges these days. An underlying issue is a decrease in social trust. Studies show that there has been a decrease in trust of government, media, religious and major social institutions in America and elsewhere. While most see a decline in people being reliable and able to fulfill their obligations, according to Pew Research Center, 8 out of 10 Americans think that social trust can be repaired.

Where do we begin? We can each choose to take an open stance and take action to make life better for others. We can commit to being a friendly neighbor and a supportive community member.  What could happen if we each used our skills, talents and passion to consciously make a difference for our colleagues, community and others? Simply acknowledging and listening to others, even when they have different views could create a more positive environment.  When we show that we care and desire peace, doors will open. 

We are polarized with divergent political views and different areas of focus. However, we can come together as neighbors and work collectively on projects such as supporting youth or cleaning a park of litter and planting flowers. We can experience our common ground of wanting safe and life-enhancing communities—even when we have different world views.

David Brooks joined with the Aspen Institute to initiate the Weaver movement to repair the country’s social fabric, which is frayed by distrust, division and exclusion.

“People are quietly working across America to end loneliness and isolation and weave inclusive communities.” The organization collects inspiring stories of success. Brooks encourages people to join in “shifting our culture from hyper-individualism that is all about personal success, to relationalism that puts relationships at the center of our lives.” This is the kind of effort that I envision people choosing an open stance to take.

There are many stresses we are facing and we naturally become fatigued. Many are isolated and feel alone. Whether you start a global community development program or visit an elderly neighbor, we can each do our part to build positive and productive relationships and make life better for all.  When you reach out you will most likely receive more than you give. It is rewarding to experience community connection. It will take all of us to contribute.

What can you do to build trust and be neighborly and a supportive community member today?

See No Stranger

We have seen a lot of name calling and division these days. Family members, co-workers and neighbors are not speaking with one another based on diverse political views and other perspectives. It is often hard to understand how someone can see things so differently from us. We believe we are seeing so clearly and others must have blinders on. 

We are receiving different information on our social media feeds and we are watching different news sources and most often conferring with like-minded people who concur with us. 

Unconscious implicit bias affects all of us. We are primed to see “us” and “them.” We discern in an instant whether someone is one of us or one of them. This happens before conscious thought. Our body releases hormones that prime us to trust and listen to those who are a part of us. It’s easier to feel compassion for one of us. We experience fundamental attribution error where we attribute negative motives to others’ behavior while we tend to be positive toward ourselves when exhibiting the same behavior. We think of us as multidimensional and complex and we think of them as one-dimensional. 

Where do we go from here? Ideally, we begin to look for common ground, treat each other with respect, engage in dialogue and create systems and a future that works for all of us. Rather than be closed, we need to shift to taking an open stance. We need to adopt an open mindset and open heart where we commit to being curious, engaging in wonder as well as being compassionate and kind.  

Valeri Kaur, author of See No Stranger, suggests that as you see people who are different, say to yourself, “Sister,” “Brother,” “Aunt” or “Uncle.” Recognize that each person is facing challenges and desires similar things. Essentially, we can train our minds to emphasize kindness and expand our inner circles. Not only do we support more connection with others, this practice supports our wellbeing. 

We can each take actions to make life better for all and we can begin with expanding our own awareness and commitment to being open rather than closed.

Can We Find Unity?

No doubt, we are experiencing polarization in our families, workplaces and communities. Family members and co-workers are not speaking to one another because of perceived differing points of view. We feel disrespected when others cannot see the value of us or our views. Our natural reaction is to fight back or shut down. 

We need to manage our instincts and seek to engage in more conversations where we are sharing what we are observing and how we are experiencing things. We need to listen to one another, give empathy and engage in dialogue to find what we can agree on and to co-create shared solutions. This is not easy in the heat of an election and amidst the myriad of uncertainties we face with changes in workplaces and the impact of a pandemic, economic challenges and racial inequities. 

However, seeking to genuinely understand other perspectives and finding common ground is essential to create a civil environment that will work for all of us.

We can begin by educating ourselves. There are many resources and we can challenge ourselves to study diverse sources. I recently saw the documentary Social Dilemma on Netflix. It clearly shows that we are each seeing different posts on social media that reinforce different perspectives than other sources. We can easily become more entrenched in our views. We are watching news on different channels and talking to people who reinforce our view. We need to remain curious and open to learning.

We need to look for what we can appreciate in others with different views and listen even when we don’t agree. This is a learned skill. It is doable. We can find unity. It will take each of us.

Expand Your Vision

I often work with clients to clarify what is most important to them to ensure they are actualizing their values. We have so many decisions to make regarding how to spend our time, energy and resources.  Given the fast pace of change and our need to be agile, we are served when we are clear about what is most important to us and our larger goals or vision.

I recently had the opportunity of hearing about the vision of the Basque region of Spain to become known internationally as a center for advanced manufacturing and social inclusion.   Industry generates 29.9% of its GDP. Their focus on manufacturing comes from a vision and strategy to ensure excellent health and education systems for their citizens. They have developed an integrated training and education system that is recognized as a best practice in the European Union.

Their vision to focus on human development and manufacturing has enabled various businesses, and public and private organizations to work together effectively.  Together with a shared vision, they have positively influenced their citizens and are now sharing their learning across different communities to make an even bigger difference.

It can be challenging to create a vision within an organization and even more challenging in a city or community where people have different interests.  However, the collective effort to work toward shared visions is greatly needed these days and can be quite rewarding.

According to the April Gordon Report (www.Imperialcorp.com),  in the US over 10 million jobs remain vacant where there is growing unrest among Americans who are unemployed or underemployed. The changes in technology make the need for more public-private partnerships and broader visions to understand changes in the labor market demands and the needed changes in education.

I meet many people who want to make a difference amidst the wide range of challenges. We need to focus on systemic change.  These larger goals require vision and the ability to be open and engage in dialogue.

Consider your purpose and how you can convene and collaborate with others to make an impact.

Elevate Trust

An immense amount of energy is spent when we don’t trust a coworker or family member. When we can’t count on someone to follow through on their promises we experience higher levels of cortisol which limits our openness and relationships with others. We are less creative or open to new ideas.  On the other hand, when we are interacting with someone we trust, there are high levels of the neurotransmitter oxytocin which creates more of a sense of bonding and openness.

It is valuable to pay attention to how we are trusting others. Do we have an habitual pattern of expecting the worst and mistrusting people immediately? It is useful to notice our level of trust and to work to create positive trusting environments.  We can experiment with being more vulnerable and sharing more about ourselves. We can be explicit about expected norms or terms of engagement that we can reflect on from time to time and modify as necessary. We can ask for what we need and follow up.

Pay attention to your level of trust and take actions to elevate the environment of trust with those in your workplace and elsewhere.

Listen to Connect Not Correct

Drawing by Ann Van Eron

What is he thinking? What a terrible idea! Does he see how he is going to hurt the staff and the company?” This is what Trish told me she was thinking as her boss shared a new idea that he thought would save money and address a big problem.

Trish had immediately told her boss why the idea would not work. She was surprised that he could not see the foolishness of his solution.  Unfortunately, Trish was not successful in influencing her boss to consider other options and in addition, their relationship soured.

What happened? Trish immediately identified what she believed was wrong with her manager’s idea and began arguing her point of view. She did what we all do often. We focus on correcting or rejecting an idea before we ensure that we are listening fully and connecting with the person speaking. We need to manage ourselves and make sure we understand that the other person is saying and also identify how they are feeling by providing empathy. For example, Trish could have said, “You are concerned about the problem and believe this solution will address the challenge and address the budget deficit too.”  Her boss would have felt heard and been more open to a conversation. Because he felt judged he became closed to a genuine conversation of exploring options and also became closed to Trish.

Notice your response when you hear ideas you don’t agree with (give yourself empathy) and stop and shift to being curious and open. Focus on listening more intently, share what you have heard, give empathy and be open to learning more.

Be an Ally

Artwork by Ann Van Eron

Jenny excitedly told me how happy she was about a meeting she participated in. She was a bit intimidated by the caliber of participants and was a bit hesitant to speak up, particularly since she is an introvert. We have all had that feeling of hesitancy. She took the risk and suggested a unique idea. The ideas continued to flow from people and no one commented on hers. Then, a colleague said, “I would like to comment on Jenny’s brilliant suggestion….”

Her colleague did a number of things: she gave credit to Jenny for her idea by noting it and appreciated the contribution. Then she built on the idea. This supported Jenny in feeling a part of the group and it created an environment for all to contribute and take such risks.

Jenny actually wrote a note of thanks to her colleague who then confessed that she felt intimidated in the meeting and that she would always “have her back.” Trust was enhanced and the two are on their way to a friendship of supporting each other.

Can you take the simple step of noticing and calling out someone’s idea that contributes to the team and then appreciate such allies who are supportive?

Are You Willing for It to be Easy?

Many of us these days are overwhelmed. Organizations are going through multiple changes. The technology keeps requiring more learning even when its purpose is to make things go more smoothly and efficiently. We feel we have more and more things to do to keep up.

I recall working with a group trying to solve a challenge and someone asked, “What if it were easy?”  Everyone stopped. This option had not been considered. In fact, there was a simple solution and a lot of effort could be eliminated.

We are creatures of habit and it is hard to stop doing things that we think “should” be done.  When I ask teams to consider what to stop doing, there are often blank faces. Of course, sometimes people are worried about job security and other times we don’t consider other options. One team I worked with was able to reduce over 50 major projects the company was working on down to six. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief at the end of the meeting. The leadership team was aligned and had a process to monitor 6 initiatives. They had more confidence and increased market share after making it easier.

A small business owner was spending a lot of time and money trying to market the company’s offerings. They had multiple ways of marketing. When they considered how to make it easy, they realized that most of their work was coming from referrals. By focusing on communicating with a small number of people, they saved time and energy and had greater results. In fact, it became easy.

Ask yourself, “Am I willing for it to be easy?”  Then expect an easier option. Examine your current “should” and look for what you can reduce or change to make things easier.

Are You Really Listening?

It is easy to ask questions of people without waiting for a response. I know I have done this when I am in a hurry. “Hi. How are you? How is your ill mother? Are you traveling this holiday?”  Sometimes we are asking questions just as a way of saying hello as we are passing by without really looking for a response. However, we need to be aware of our impact and provide space for a response.

Mary told me that a client “sucks the energy out of the room.”  When I inquired further, it became clear that her client asked many questions without pausing to really listen. Mary feels that the client does not really care about her and she braces herself when interacting with the client.  I suspect that her client is not aware of the lack of real connection. Perhaps she is genuinely interested but feels rushed inside and has not learned to slow down and give Mary full attention.

Notice your pattern. Do you pepper people with questions without leaving space for a response or are you genuinely interested and give people attention to hear their response?