If you are like me, you may tend to focus on areas for your development. When I coach leaders, they often focus on their weaknesses, such as the need to enhance the ways they interact and improve their strategic and leadership skills. Of course, focusing on building new skills is helpful, and we can all grow and learn.

However, it is also worthwhile to notice and appreciate our strengths and leverage them. Focusing on our strengths can make us more confident and motivated, and support us in applying our natural skills for results.

For example, a client of mine excels in building and fostering relationships. It is natural for her to attract clients and hone in on their needs. With a greater appreciation of her strengths, she was able to apply the skills to build relationships and grow her network with her colleagues within her organization.

It seems obvious in hindsight, but she had not recognized the need to use her natural skills inside her organization. She is not the only one. I have coached many leaders who are excellent at building external relationships and fail to see the benefit of applying the same gifts internally. It took a bit of focus and awareness, and she was able to capitalize on her natural strengths to build solid relationships with peers and others in the organization. This was not only relatively easy, once she became aware and focused, it also significantly enhanced her career progression.

Another leader was skilled at leading meetings and being spontaneous with teams of people. He felt he could not formally present. However, when he realized his coaching-like approach could be a great way to share information and that he did not have to be a “motivational speaker,” he relaxed and excelled at communicating with groups of people. He was perceived as authentic and believable and a great leader.

An excellent way to become aware of our strengths is to pay attention to what we most enjoy and what seems easy. It is also helpful to ask for feedback from others. A possible exercise is for team members to share what they perceive to be each other’s strengths. Funny, how it is often hiding right in sight.

What strengths are you taking for granted? How can you leverage them?

It seems counterintuitive; why would we want to be open amid so much polarization and uncertainty?

When we are aware and manage our reactions and shift to being open, we build the mental muscle that enables us to manage stress and be more confident amid uncertainty. We learn to be a better version of ourselves with more meaning and fulfillment. Finally, we are better positioned to influence others and build stronger relationships and engagement.

Coaches, leaders, and change agents need to learn and adopt an Open Stance amid differences and uncertainty. It enhances their leadership effectiveness, decision-making ability, adaptability, collaboration, and personal growth. Taking an Open Stance enables leaders to create inclusive environments, leverage diverse perspectives, navigate complexity, and seize opportunities for growth and innovation.

If more of us developed the Open Stance perspective, we would be better positioned to make a difference during this time in the world collectively.

I have often said, “I don’t have enough time. How can I get everything done.” “If only I had more time.” I hear the same comments from the leaders I work with. Do you feel too busy?

Research by Cassie Holmes, author of Happier Hour, shows that many of us experience a sense of time poverty. Many of my clients fantasize about creating more space, and some talk about changing jobs or retiring. However, even those who have left the workforce often complain that they are too busy and stressed.

The research shows that those with too little time and those with too much discretionary time are the least happy. Those who seem most satisfied are engaged in fulfilling activities while experiencing a sense of being.

What does “being” look like for me? I notice that when I am “being present” with coaching clients and my classes, and when with others and nature, I am open and enjoying life. I experience a sense of spaciousness and trust in life. I sense I am growing and learning. When I try to do too much and focus on all I have to do, I notice a tightness in my body and a sense of constriction. I am often holding my breath.

I aim to stay connected to being as I engage in meaningful doing. I have had to examine old patterns that keep me saying yes to things and an old belief that I will have a sense of being “good” the more I do. We all have old beliefs that take some examination to experience a release and create a new decision about how we want to live. We learn and grow as an acorn naturally grows into an oak tree. Research shows that we actually experience joy from our journey rather than when we achieve a goal. Too often, we just set another goal on the hedonic treadmill.

I am working on paying attention and noticing when I am open and being and noticing when I am overdoing. I then work to examine my choices. I continually check in and choose an Open Stance. Of course, this is a work in progress. I sense that when I am being, I am in the flow of life. I am more relaxed and experience life with an open heart and mind, and I am enjoying the moments. This kind of being is well worth the focus, and I experience joy and aliveness. I remind myself of the joy in being and reiterate my intention for JOYBeing–experiencing joy in being.

How do you relate and manage the relationship between “being” and “doing”?

We underestimate how important our mindset is. Some of us naturally see the glass as half full and others as half empty. Some of our perspectives were inherited from our early experiences with caregivers and our life experiences. So often, we are unaware of this context and how it shapes us.

With awareness, we can notice what we are saying to ourselves and build new patterns. We are learning that neuroplasticity allows us to create new pathways in the brain literally. A study conducted at the Harvard Medical School showed brain scans of pianists as they played the piano. Later the musicians were asked to imagine playing the piano. The identical part of the brain became active. When we rehearse, neural pathways are enhanced, and new habits are formed. The good news is that we can become aware and shift our mindsets.

A simple experiment I have been trying is to reframe. I used to say to myself, “I need to do the chores. I need to get work done. I need to…” I am shifting to saying, “I get to … make a meal for my daughter, I get to walk, I get to pay my taxes.” I am grateful that I am healthy enough to walk, cook and work. It’s a simple shift. We know things are constantly changing. How can we enjoy this phase of our life, and what we can do at this time?

Try this simple experiment, and let me know how it works for you.

When I was a child, I was dumbfounded that my parents seemed to see the world so differently and seemed to miss each other when communicating. I wondered how they could perceive things so uniquely and then fail to communicate. How can people work together and make things happen when they experience things so differently?  

This became a life question for me. I saw the same kinds of misunderstandings and lack of effective communication in schools and the workplace. It’s what led me to study Organization Psychology, become a coach, and develop the OASIS Conversations process. I believed that since conversation skills are so essential, they must be learnable. 

Former LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner says, “As businesses increasingly rely on cross-company collaboration, they’re emphasizing interpersonal communications more heavily. Unfortunately, this is a job skill many employees are lacking.”

LinkedIn analyzed skills shortages based on data from member profiles and job postings across 100 major U.S. cities. LinkedIn found the top skills gap across the United States is communications. Given my experience working globally, I suspect this gap is widespread.  

I am confident that communication skills are learnable and can be enhanced at any stage of life or in any role. Engaging in positive and productive conversations is one of the most critical skills for leaders, managers, coaches, change agents, and people who want thriving relationships and results.  

One of my clients told me that all the leaders in her large organization had learned the OASIS Conversations process. She sees tangible results and better relationships, and it is changing the culture.  

One of the most challenging aspects of being an effective leader and manager is to manage ourselves. So often, we are unaware of our habitual patterns and are more prone to reacting under stress than responding with choice.  

It takes effort to manage our nervous systems. We notice our internal contractions, judgments, and assumptions when we are aware and can pause before reacting. This simple pausing and shifting to being open allows us to see more possibilities and to make more effective choices. Since emotions are contagious, leaders positively influence those around them when they can calm themselves. Open-minded people have more access to their creative and analytical thinking and are positioned to create solutions.  

Practice breathing and slowing down to become aware of your reactions and then shift to being open. It is a critical skill for managers, leaders, coaches, and influencers.

A leader recently called me and reported that he could not make himself get his work done. He was depleted and lacked energy. He felt burned out. 

Many of my executive coaching clients have pondered the same question lately. It is easy to feel depleted with all the challenges leaders, families, organizations, and communities face.  

Leaders, coaches, change agents, and parents can easily focus on others and what is needed and forget about themselves. However, it’s essential to take care of the basics to thrive. This means getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and walking or exercising. 

I asked this leader what he enjoyed doing. He liked hiking, sailing, and playing tennis.  When I asked him the last time he engaged in any of these, he could not recall. He had set aside all these joyful activities. He also shared that he was getting little sleep and needed to focus more on a healthy diet or taking time off with his family and friends. 

It is not easy to put work aside and care for ourselves when so much needs to be done. However, if we fail to find moments for rest and joy, our bodies will say enough at some point.  

Leaders and influencers must model caring for themselves to inspire those around them to do the same. 

What is one thing you can do to replenish yourself today, next week, and next month?  Schedule a break today. Notice the impact on you and those you work with.

Many leaders and executive coaching clients I work with live in their heads. They are intelligent people with excellent analytical skills. They have been successful.

However, a new kind of leader is needed these days. The command and control types of managers do not instill engagement or excitement. Instead, people are asking for empathy, understanding, and even care.

These leaders often care but miss cues for emotional intelligence. I get it. I used to see myself as a bobbing head and never tuned into listening. I had habitual patterns that were automatic and no longer serving me. It took some practice to be curious and notice sensations like an internal contraction. Then, I could be more aware and choose my response.

Leaders need to be aware, manage their reactions, and recognize emotions are contagious. For example, leaders who are overly angry or anxious or close down without awareness can deplete energy. On the other hand, when leaders are open and attuned with awareness, they can inspire hope and possibilities. What type of environment do you think generates the best results?

When we check in and note our experiences, we interact more flexibly. When we notice what brings us a sense of openness, aliveness, and joy, we can more easily experience these states and inspire others.

Begin by simply checking in now and paying attention to your feelings. I often ask myself, “Are you open?” Just notice and make it a practice to do so and see the impact.

What has supported you in listening to your body?

Have you ever had a colleague or friend point out something that you then realized was obvious but you missed it?

I talked with a long-time friend whom I had not connected with in a while. We caught up on our work, our health, and what we are looking forward to. I told her about some pending changes in my family. She said she noticed I focused on how others were experiencing the changes rather than how I felt about it. She caught an old habitual pattern of mine. I hadn’t noticed. It’s a habit of mine to focus on what others need, and sometimes I even forget to ask myself what I need.

We all have such habitual patterns that shape our lives. But, of course, the patterns served us at one time and may not in our current life. So it is nice when a good friend shares her perspective. It is even better when we catch ourselves before we say something, take action or refrain from action.   

When we notice our patterns, we are more at choice in responding. When we are unaware, we tend to follow our old habits. It takes awareness to notice our inclinations. The first step is pausing for a breath and paying attention. It is also helpful to ask a friend or a coach to share what they notice.

It can help us to be kind to others when we appreciate that we are each seeing different things and reacting based on our background experiences.

Be kind to yourself and others and notice. You can be on the lookout for a specific pattern that may no longer be needed. 

Are you spending your days fighting fires and solving problems?                                      

As a young consultant, I saw my role as helping people find answers. I was pretty quick at finding solutions. I did cultural assessments of companies. After hundreds of interviews, focus groups, surveys, and weeks of writing, I provided an extensive report with a complete strategy. I conducted quite a few of these assessments addressing diversity, inclusion, and engagement issues. Many commented on the completeness of my reports and the depth. I wondered how often my recommendations were taken.

Everything changed for me when I learned about the power of coaching. Rather than giving solutions, I trusted that clients had the best answers. A load was taken off of my back. Rather than be the one with all the answers, I became the presence that supported people in finding their own solutions.

I became an executive and team coach and incorporated a coaching approach in all of my work. Seeing what happened when team members felt free to envision and create a meaningful culture was amazing.

Leaders I have trained report that taking an open stance, listening, and providing empathy and space for reflection have made a difference in how they lead. They no longer feel that they have to provide all the answers. In fact, no leaders can have all the answers these days. However, with awareness, they can take a coach approach and support team members to find the best actions. They ask powerful questions, listen and allow space for reflection. 

What has been your experience with a coach approach? Are you finding it particularly effective during these times of rapid change and uncertainty?