A client of mine had an amazing breakthrough in one of our team coaching sessions some time ago. I was shocked and disheartened when we returned for the next session, and they did not seem to act on or recall the inspiration. Since then, I have consciously incorporated reflection and closure into my work as an executive and team coach and organization development consultant.

We often invest time and energy in opening or starting meetings and initiatives. However, we may not pay attention to closing and reap the benefits. We are often too focused on moving on to the next meeting, project, or initiative or hesitate to address emotions often associated with endings.

Effective closure is not just about tying up loose ends; it’s about mobilizing energy for the next steps and new initiatives. When something is unfinished, such as writing a paper, paying taxes, or completing communications, our energy is tied up with what we need to do. But when we finally complete the task, we often experience a profound sense of relief and a release of tension. When we take the time to assess what we are learning, we can redirect our energy to the next project and feel a sense of calm and satisfaction.

I have found the following questions to be useful for closure:
– What are you leaving with from this experience? What meaning are you making?
– What has worked well?
– What is unfinished?
– Is there anything else that needs to be said for closure?

I make it a point to allow space for closure in coaching sessions and team interventions. I don’t wait until the final closure of the engagement, but I pay attention to closure at the end of every single interaction. This practice has proven invaluable. Asking, “What are you leaving from this experience?” often brings about a significant shift in perspective, emphasizing the importance of closure in every interaction. When we do this, we ensure more learning and appreciation.

What is your experience with closure?

As a part of a study group of experienced executive coaches, we collectively acknowledged the shifts in our focus and interests and the ever-evolving nature of our profession. We reminisced about when the concept of coaching was relatively unknown and was often associated with underperformance. Today, we see a significant shift in this perception, with coaching being widely recognized and even offered as a developmental perk for those at the highest levels. The scope of coaching has expanded to include teams, and managers are now equipping themselves with coaching skills to empower their staff members.

We reflected on how things are constantly changing and transforming, yet many of us seem to look back wistfully and appreciate the way things were, ‘the good old days,’ or wish for something different. We can all learn to enjoy the moment more when present in the current experience and appreciate impermanence. Many parents, for example, have had this experience as their children mature. Each growth phase offers different benefits and challenges, and it’s up to us to embrace them with grace and resilience.

Just as we observe the transformation of our gardens through the seasons, we can learn to appreciate life’s rhythm. Instead of fretting about the future, we can accept that change is a constant. We can find joy in the current moments, even amid challenges, knowing they, too, shall pass. For instance, you could start a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the good things in your life or practice mindfulness to stay present.

It is easier to take the perspective to savor and learn from the present moments when we have experienced life and see how we have grown from challenging situations. I am now grateful that I was not accepted into the grad school of my dreams when I was just graduating. Instead, my path, which included years of being a corporate manager and finding the field of organizational psychology, has been more meaningful for me than I could have hoped with my first career aspiration. I try to remind myself to “trust the process.” Of course, it is simple but not easy.

The metaphor of the garden sustains me. Even when the ground seems fallow, I trust new growth will emerge. We cannot see the growth beneath the soil, and then life seems to appear. I work to reframe disappointments and challenges as learning opportunities, empowering myself to trust that new life is emerging. This Open Stance mindset gives me a sense of curiosity, anticipation, and permission to enjoy the current moment–even when it is not what I envisioned or hoped for.

How have you navigated the rhythm of life in your journey? What strategies have you found effective in embracing change and finding joy in the present? I invite you to share your insights and experiences.

When I ask leaders to reflect on what enhances their energy and inspires joy, they are often surprised to notice that supporting others and being generous is not just a selfless act but also a source of personal enrichment. We tend to think that most focus on self-interest. Of course, we need a balance. However, being gracious and of service can indeed be a source of joy and energy, and it’s a win-win situation.

Scientific research consistently confirms that humans have an innate inclination toward generosity. For instance, the Cleveland Clinic’s health blog highlights that acts of kindness and giving stimulate the release of ‘feel-good’ chemicals in our brains, such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. This biological reaction to generosity is not confined to adults; studies have shown that young children exhibit natural empathy and a willingness to share. However, as they grow, societal influences often redirect their attention towards self-interest.

Studies show positive consequences for those who freely give time, resources, and goods to others: People who volunteer their energy report better health, well-being, and greater longevity.

From my interactions with leaders in various capacities, I’ve observed a recurring theme–those who engage in mentoring and career development support not only report a heightened sense of satisfaction and personal growth but also foster stronger professional relationships. One leader I’ve had the privilege of coaching shared that his most fulfilling moments are the one-on-one meetings where he can focus on supporting others. His mentees, in turn, express feelings of being valued and experiencing personal growth. These anecdotes underscore the profound impact of generosity in professional relationships, highlighting its significance and value.

It seems counter-intuitive when we are too busy to take time out to be generous to others. When I share what I have learned about being an organization development consultant, executive coach, or author, I learn as I reflect and give to others. I am grateful to be of service and appreciate my journey. We are prosocial beings, and we are wired to be cooperative and support others. Being generous is an often overlooked avenue for experiencing more joy. Of course, we need some balance and should be kind to ourselves.

Reflecting on your own journey, how has your generosity with your time, resources, and advice impacted your energy and joy? Have you noticed a positive shift in these aspects of your life as a result of your generosity?

A familiar reply to the question, “How are you?” is “Busy, so busy!” I hear this from many leaders, clients, and colleagues. I get it because it has been my reality, too. We are conditioned to focus on productivity and getting things done. It is easy to keep our minds and bodies moving with activity and stress. We don’t think we deserve a break. At the same time, I emphasize to the leaders I work with the importance of being present and available to people. Your presence is not just physical; it’s about being fully engaged and attentive, which can make a significant difference in your relationships and decision-making.

Our team members and clients yearn for our undivided attention. This may sound simple, but it’s not always easy, especially when exhausted and depleted. However, when we invest in self-care by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and nurturing meaningful relationships, we not only replenish our energy but also enhance our ability to engage generously in our interactions. This self-compassion also allows us to be more empathetic and attentive listeners, leading to more effective decision-making and stronger relationships. The benefits of self-care are not just personal; they extend to our professional lives, making us more effective leaders.

Take a few moments to recharge. Find a place that brings you peace, whether it’s a park or a body of water, either in reality or in your mind’s eye. Allow yourself to unwind and rejuvenate. Take a series of deep breaths. Observe how, even after a brief respite, you feel more energized and ready to connect with yourself and others. Notice how tasks seem more manageable. Taking breaks and incorporating play is not a luxury, it’s a necessity for your wellbeing and productivity. Make a conscious effort to be fully present in your next interaction. Set aside your devices and any pending concerns. Observe the impact on both you and the other person when you give your full attention and are truly present.

Reflect on how you support yourself in filling your empty tank. What strategies do you employ to ensure you’re at your best? How do you prioritize self-care in your leadership journey?

No matter how much you love your job or life, we all have parts of our roles that are less satisfying. There are many skills to develop. Many of us complain, and some of us are lucky enough to be able to delegate tasks we find monotonous or grueling.

Another option is to embrace a sense of play and transform the daily grind into an opportunity for joy. For example, I have paired listening to audiobooks with my daily exercise of climbing stairs. I also track the number of steps I take, which adds to the fun. I listen to music while doing some tasks and enjoy dark chocolate without guilt during some others. I may talk with a friend while cleaning the kitchen. I often draw while waiting for someone or something. Of course, your sense of joy and play will likely differ. We can each fashion our sense of deliberate play. I often work with my coaching clients to identify how to introduce play and create more joy in their lives. Adding a simple check-in to meetings can enhance the spirit of play and connection.

According to Adam Grant, in his book Hidden Potential, deliberate play introduces novelty and variety to skill practice and supports learning. Purposeful play can sustain joy and help us achieve greater things.

If we push ourselves too hard to learn a skill or do a job, we can experience emotional exhaustion or burnout. Studies show that those obsessed with their work and put in longer hours do not perform better than their peers. On the other hand, if we remain understimulated, with a lack of joy, we can experience boreout.

When we align with our passion and find meaning in our work or personal life, we can approach the grind with more ease. Research indicates that persistence is more likely to result in performance when passion is present. Moreover, when we infuse our tasks with a playful spirit, we rely less on willpower and experience a boost in motivation and energy, even in the face of the daily grind.

How have you been incorporating deliberate play into your life and work? Sharing your experiences cannot only inspire others but also foster a sense of community, where we can learn from each other’s strategies and successes.

Have you ever taken a few moments to notice what your inner voice is saying? Try an experiment. Sit or walk silently for a few minutes and see what your internal voice says. You may then write down some of your frequent self-talk.

If you are like me or many of my clients, you may notice thoughts like, “How am I going to get this work done?” “I wonder how my client or colleague is responding to what I said in the meeting.” “I wished I had said something else.” “I wonder what will happen?” “I am tired. Will I ever have more time for fun?” etc. Thinking about the future and worrying about the past is a shared human condition.

With intention, we can become aware of what we are saying to ourselves. We seem to have an endless narrator telling us what we did wrong, what may go wrong, and what we should do. This voice, often referred to as ‘inner chatter,’ is so constant that we feel it is us, and there is little we can do to quiet its constant chatter. We have dozens of thoughts. This ‘inner chatter’ is the continuous stream of thoughts and self-talk that we experience throughout the day. It can be positive or negative, greatly influencing our mood and well-being.

We all have experienced the challenges of having draining thoughts that create negative energy. Often, we feel out of control and lack well-being as our inner thoughts berate us. We often feel stuck by these thoughts, which sometimes feel like they are in an endless loop, and we look for ways to drown them out.

Many of us are unaware of our thoughts and unaware that we can learn how to work with our draining thoughts. Rather than suffering with thoughts of worry, regret, and judgment, we can shift to thoughts that enliven us, are solution-oriented, and help us be more effective in our day-to-day lives.

How do we do this? First, we recognize that our thoughts are trying to protect us. We can befriend them and be curious about their messages. We can slow down and notice what our thoughts are saying.

If we judge ourselves and say something like, “You are worthless or unlovable,” we can slow down and question if there is evidence for such a judgment. Often, there is no evidence for such negative assumptions. We can appreciate that our thoughts are trying to protect us, and explore what may be needed now. Perhaps we must be kinder or slow down and assess how we want to interact.

Suppose you notice that you are worried about succeeding with a job or in a relationship. “I may not be successful with this job.” You can remember that you have handled many challenges and remind yourself, “I am resilient and will be able to manage what happens.” Reminding yourself of past successes will not only support your resilience but also reinforce your confidence in your ability to manage your thoughts.

When you focus on regrets, “I should have handled the email differently,” stop ruminating and tell yourself that you can learn from the situation for future situations.

We must adopt an open and growth mindset and trust that we are learning. A growth mindset is the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. We can be kinder to ourselves and know that our inner chatter is actually intending to support us. Rather than telling the inner voice to be quiet, we can reassure it that we appreciate its goal of supporting us and know that it is not always warning us in the most enlivening way. By adopting a growth mindset, we can view our inner chatter as an opportunity for growth and learning, rather than a source of negativity.

We can train ourselves to talk to ourselves like a good friend. We would not call a friend names or ignore her.

It takes practice to become aware of and work with our inner chatter. However, it is well worth our intention to befriend it and direct our attention to noticing it.

What is your experience with your inner chatter? What strategies work best for you?

We all know that life is uncertain. And this uncertainty can lead to stress and worry for many of us.

Envision a life where uncertainty is not something to fear but a gift to embrace. It’s a journey of transformation where challenges become opportunities for growth, connection, and learning. Adopting an Open Stance towards uncertainty opens the door to a more fulfilling and enriching life experience.

In her new book, Uncertain: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure, Maggie Jackson presents a compelling case for the many benefits of uncertainty about what is happening or will happen. She argues that being uncertain, or what I would call adopting an Open Stance, is aligned with better decision-making, improved mental agility, smoother learning, the ability to respond well in a crisis, and better social relationships. We need all of these benefits amid the polarization that we are experiencing.

When we let go of our need for sureness and stay curious and open, we can listen to different points of view, find common ground, and develop innovative solutions to our challenges.

Jackson argues that while we tend to have a negative view of uncertainty, it is a kind of ‘good stress.’ This ‘good stress’ is a physiological and neural response that allows our brain to be more open and receptive to new data when encountering something new or unexpected. Our attention broadens, and our working memory improves. This wakefulness enhances our ability to learn. When we are open rather than closed-minded, we have more energy to investigate a crisis, a problem, or a new situation.

Uncertainty can indeed slow us down to reflect and learn. When we slow down, we can become aware of new issues and mistakes. We can become more accurate and thus enhance collaboration, be more creative, and be more inclusive. Even when we engage with different points of view and are respectful and open, we can discover new possibilities and enhance relationships. Rather than denying or hiding our differences, respectful disagreement and open-minded conversations can help us learn. I often say, “We need to slow down to speed up.”

Research by Todd Kashdan, a renowned psychologist, indicates that inquisitive people share a quality he calls stress tolerance, or the capacity to tolerate the stress of the unknown. With an open mind, curious people can express different points of view and seem more engaged at work. They also report higher life satisfaction and wellbeing. When you are open to the whole range of life experiences, both positive and negative, you thrive. When you are open-minded, you can handle more uncertainty and see it as a challenge and even an opportunity for growth.

It is time to reframe our relationship with uncertainty and adopt an Open Stance. A study out of the University of Washington found that doctors who experienced discomfort or uncertainty with patients were more likely to increase monitoring of a situation and had a greater tendency to look ahead to identify needed resources. I prefer my doctor to be comfortable with uncertainty and open to exploring causes and options to address an issue. We could see uncertainty and being open as a gift.

Expanding our perspective-taking skills is a great way to build our muscles for working with uncertainty. When we are open to respecting a person with different views, remain curious, and expect to learn, we open a pathway for connecting and co-creating solutions. This is what I mean by ‘perspective-taking skills’-the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and understand their viewpoint. Once, when I was listening to someone with different political views, they thanked me for simply being curious and open to understanding their perspective. They reported that they rarely experience such listening. We both left the conversation with increased understanding and connection.

Reframing uncertainty as a gift and adopting an Open Stance toward the unknown can pave the way for personal growth, resilience, and deeper connections with others. Embracing uncertainty can be the key to unlocking a more fulfilling and enriched life experience.

How would life be different if you saw uncertainty as a gift?
I encourage you to share an experience where you did. Let’s start a conversation about embracing uncertainty and the positive impact it can have on our lives.

Get a FREE chapter of the Open Stance book here: https://forms.aweber.com/form/74/1775763574.htm

Have you ever paused to listen to your conversations with yourself? The words we speak internally hold immense power over our emotions and actions. Even the most accomplished individuals can find themselves locked in a cycle of self-criticism and doubt, as with a highly successful leader who once confessed, “I hate myself. I never get things right. I’m a loser.”

Imagine that internal voice as a bird perched on your shoulder, constantly chirping its opinions about your worth and abilities. Despite our achievements, many of us battle with self-sabotaging thoughts like, ‘You’re not doing enough,’ ‘You’re not good enough,’ or ‘You need to try harder.’ This relentless self-punishment, a struggle that many of us share, drains our energy and affects our wellbeing, perpetuating a cycle of stress and dissatisfaction.

Some believe being tough on themselves is the key to success, fearing self-compassion may dampen their drive. However, negative self-talk not only impacts our physical health, raising stress levels and affecting our overall wellbeing, but also hampers our capacity for empathy and kindness towards others. If you’re worried that self-compassion might make you complacent or less motivated, remember that it’s about treating yourself with kindness and understanding, not about lowering your standards or giving up on your goals.

Studies reveal a profound link between self-compassion and physical health, showing that our internal dialogue directly influences factors like blood pressure and overall health outcomes. When we berate ourselves, we limit our potential and stifle our joy, creating a barrier to growth and fulfillment.

We need to respect ourselves and practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion is a skill, a way of being kind to ourselves and treating ourselves like a friend. Most of us learned how to be harsh to ourselves, which may have served a purpose at one time. It kept us in line with our family and community expectations and helped us to survive and succeed. Some of these old voices have lingered and not grown up. But as we evolve, it’s crucial to let go of those outdated voices and nurture a compassionate inner dialogue. Self-compassion is a skill that can be learned and practiced, and you have the power to change your internal narrative.

If you notice that your child or a friend is going through a challenging experience, are you likely to be harsh or punishing? Most likely, you would be kind and empathetic. We know how to be kind and friendly to others and must remember to do so to ourselves. Using our name when giving ourselves empathy, kindness, and encouragement is helpful. “Jeff, you are tired and could use a break. You are doing your best, and you are enough.” Some have found it helpful to write a note to themselves to identify positive qualities and revisit them to reinforce self-compassion and care.

People who embrace self-compassion are more inclined to prioritize their wellbeing. By consciously cultivating a kinder, more supportive inner voice, we pave the way for a fulfilling and harmonious life and open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. It’s a practice that requires commitment and effort, but the rewards of self-compassion, the potential for a more joyful and healthier life, are immeasurable.

What are your strategies for nurturing self-compassion?

Do you remember learning how to swim? I vividly remember sinking as I entered the pool, touching the bottom with my feet. I was shocked when my head went under, and I frantically emerged to gasp for air. I gradually learned to tread water, which was helpful in the deeper area. I was then asked to float. What?! I had already learned that I would sink. No, thank you.

Finally, I began to feel more confident and mustered the courage to trust the process. With the gentle guidance of a friendly adult, I relaxed on my back and was amazed actually to float. I recall the quiet, muffled sound of the water. It required letting go of what I knew (that I would sink and possibly drown). And it required a moment of letting go of fear and inviting effortlessness. It is hard to stay afloat when contracting and exerting a lot of energy. It was magical to float and simply be. I recall the warm sun on my face and the cool water cradling me. Knowing I could float any time made me feel safer and more adventurous in deeper waters.

Reflecting on the sensation of floating and experiencing ease offers solace and a reminder to breathe through challenges. By visiting that feeling of weightlessness, I reconnect with a state of calm and presence, allowing me to navigate life’s currents with a sense of openness and grace.

I invite you to take a moment to rekindle your experience with floating–more than thinking about floating, take a few breaths and experience the sensation of ease and openness. Notice your shift in perspective.

Like floating on water, finding openness amid life’s uncertainties can lead to profound moments of clarity and resilience.

Recalling the sensation of floating with ease has supported me in times of deep waters amid life’s challenges. Take a few conscious breaths and allow yourself to re-experience floating. In the open, effortless stance, we can be more present and in the flow.

Kindly share your experience of experimenting with floating.

Alicia, a participant in a Cultivating JOYBeing course, once remarked, “I don’t think it’s possible for me to have joy! I spend my life working and taking care of others. I don’t know how to access joy.”

She’s not alone. For many of us, joy seems elusive amid the hustle and bustle of daily life. We focus on our endless to-do lists or dwell on what is not going well. Our habitual patterns of striving and working hard limit our ability to notice and experience the available joy.

A block, shared by another participant, is the expectation that joy should be grand, like fireworks lighting up the sky. “I don’t encounter joy in my day-to-day life. Life feels rather mundane with work and chores dominating my weekends.”

But what if joy doesn’t always come in flashy displays? What if it quietly resides in the small, meaningful moments of everyday life?

Some look at me blankly when I ask people what they are doing to invite joy. Yet, inviting joy into our lives requires openness and intentionality. We must actively create space for joy, expecting to encounter it in the simplest moments.

Alicia’s journey illustrates this beautifully. By taking small actions– being open to joy and engaging in interactions and activities that are meaningful to her–she gradually began to experience and radiate more joy.

But why does this matter? When we connect with ourselves and embrace joy, not only do we feel better ourselves, but we also become kinder and more generous towards others. We are more satisfied and can be less demanding. Joy has a ripple effect and spreads, enriching our lives and those around us. Joy is contagious, highlights what is meaningful, and life is better for us and those around us.

How can we cultivate more JOYBeing in our lives–experiencing the joy of being alive?

It starts with simple, intentional practices such as being aware and mindful and noticing what is meaningful. Pay attention to the beauty around you and savor small moments, such as a connection with someone or nature.

Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by reflecting on what you are thankful for in your day-to-day life.

Focus on connection with yourself, others, and what is important to you. Engage in meaningful conversations and relationships.

Allow a sense of playfulness, and don’t take life too seriously. Make space to be in nature, experience beauty and creativity, and consider a hobby that feeds your energy.

Focus on actions of kindness and service. When we reach out to others and are kind, we can experience joy and bring joy to others.

Incorporating simple practices into our daily lives can create a fertile ground for JOYBeing to flourish.

What are some ways that you support more joy in your life?