I hope you had a good weekend and found some time for rest and relaxation. If you are like me, I sometimes find it hard to take off and give myself permission to really relax.

I have learned that we need to allow our systems to rest. We shouldn’t stay revved up for long periods of time. It hurts our health and immune systems. This seems obvious, but not long ago, working long hours and pushing oneself to the limit was not only a badge of honor but deemed essential for “success.”

However, recent shifts in our understanding of wellbeing and productivity have revealed a different truth: we need rest, play and joy to thrive. Our bodies and minds are not designed to remain in a perpetual state of busyness. Such continuous stress can take a toll on our health and productivity.

By allowing ourselves to step away from work and “be,” we recharge our energy and open the door to innovation and creativity. The act of slowing down and resting is not counterproductive; it’s an essential part of the productivity cycle.

Some of history’s most brilliant minds, from Albert Einstein to Leonardo da Vinci, understood the power of relaxation in sparking new ideas and solving complex problems. They actively embraced moments of rest to enhance their creative capacities.

So, the next time you hesitate to take time off or feel guilty about doing so, remember that relaxation and simply “being” is not a luxury but a necessity. It’s a vital component of a fulfilling and successful life. When prioritizing rest, we set the stage for greater clarity, enhanced wellbeing, and the ability to make a difference and significantly impact our endeavors.

Take a moment today to honor your need for rest and relaxation. You’ll find that by nurturing your JOYBeing–your sense of aliveness-you’re investing in yourself and unlocking your full potential for joy, creativity, and success.

Let me know how you are incorporating rest. Do you find it challenging, like me?

In the tapestry of life, challenges are woven seamlessly, along with moments of joy and accomplishment.

Many people in my life are facing challenges these days, making them seem more pronounced. Climate shifts have disrupted lives, health uncertainties cast shadows, isolation creates pain and loneliness, and economic shifts are reshaping livelihoods. Even seemingly positive changes bring challenges, like embracing a new academic journey or relocating to an unfamiliar area, which can hold its own set of trials. Of course, life offers big and small challenges each day. We know it is a part of living and a natural part of our journey.

How do we find the sustenance to nourish ourselves and uplift others, creating a ripple effect of positive transformation?

We each have habitual patterns that impact how we react to challenges. Some of these patterns, including worrying, reacting, and procrastinating, may have supported us earlier and may not serve us now. Noticing and being aware of our propensity to react can help us and give us the courage to make new choices.

A simple practice that supports me is to check in with myself often to recognize the state of my inner landscape. During moments of stress, I pause to discern the narrative I am weaving around a given moment. What are my thoughts–how am I making sense of a situation? What are my sensations and emotions? Do I feel tight in my chest, notice my heart racing, and am I concerned and contracted?

I often ask myself, “Are you Open?” This pivotal question resonates deeply and is a powerful touchstone that probes my willingness to embrace the unfolding moment, whatever it may hold. It reminds me of my commitment to take a stance of receptivity and openness. Through practice, I’ve come to understand that openness doesn’t mean the absence of challenges or discomfort. It’s an invitation to approach moments with an open heart and a spirit willing to learn and evolve.

When I recognize that I am contracted and closed, I can be with this experience. While I often feel like diverting myself with busyness, focusing on someone else, or eating something, I know it serves me to be with the sensations and emotions. When we are kind to ourselves, name our feelings, and empathize, we can often allow the emotions to move through us. Then we can shift into being open and see more possibilities and choices.

The simple habit of asking, “Are you Open?” has changed how I react. I know that even when I am feeling stressed or numbing myself, I can return to a balanced inner state. From this Open Stance, I feel more capable of responding to my challenges and those of others.

Cultivating this resilience and openness benefits us and radiates outwards, offering a gift of presence and support to those around us. As the tides of challenge ebb and flow, we find ourselves better equipped to navigate the currents, to uplift ourselves, and, in doing so, to extend a hand of strength to inspire others.

When we build our capacity, we can support others and make a difference during these times. What helps you to navigate challenges these days?

The end of summer signals a time of transition. Just as I always looked forward to returning to school, driven by a love of learning, I also recognized the undercurrent of anxiety that accompanied each transition–the unease of venturing into the realm of the unknown.

It’s hard to identify anyone not facing a transition these days. I know people moving to new towns, embarking on fresh educational journeys, stepping into novel professional roles, and embracing entirely new life chapters in retirement.

Transitions, no matter how necessary or positive, demand our energy. As we let go of the familiar, we are like beginners again, grappling with uncertainty and often wrestling with a sense of isolation. In our collective experience, the pandemic challenged us to brave the unknown, a feat we accomplished by leaning on our skills and nurturing practices that anchor us.

An essential initial step is to observe our inner narrative. Are you telling yourself that you won’t be successful? Or are you reminding yourself of past transitions, acknowledging their difficulty while recognizing your ability to navigate and ultimately thrive?

As emotions surge, extend a gentle hand of empathy to yourself. It’s okay to feel afraid, lonely, uncertain, and unsettled. Be with these emotions by naming them and fully experiencing them. Normalize the range of emotions. Notice your impulse to distract yourself, isolate, or blame others. While it can be challenging, reaching out to a friend or colleague and receiving empathy and support from others is helpful. Most who are experiencing a transition have mixed feelings. Sharing your journey, with its uncertainties and vulnerabilities, invites a reciprocal flow of empathy and support. Remember, you are not alone in this.

Take care of yourself. Be sure to fuel your body with nourishing sustenance, ensure enough sleep, and find solace in exercise and the outdoors. Nature has a way of grounding us. Whether it’s a yoga class, a walk in the park, or diving into a captivating book or enlightening podcast, these moments of self-attunement are essential.

Accept that you will need to build new habits and practices. You will need to find your way. Allow yourself to trust that you will benefit from this change and that you are making the muscle for future transitions. Each transition is akin to strengthening a power that will serve you well in future journeys, which will inevitably grace your life’s unfolding narrative. It’s part of our life journey of learning and growing.

Remember to take care of yourself amid the ebb and flow of life. What kind of transition are you navigating? I hope your journey is enriched with an open heart and unwavering spirit.

I attended a panel discussion recently on the challenges facing women and girls globally and strategic opportunities to advance gender equity. Each of the panelists was clearly passionate about their work. For example, the CEO and founder of Rise Up
(https://riseuptogether.org) practically radiated when she shared how her organization is elevating the lives of women and girls worldwide. I find myself retelling her stories. For example, her organization worked with leaders of organizations in Guatemala to raise the legal age for girls to get married to 18. Without the legislation, girls were marrying at the age of 12 in some locations.

The resonance was palpable–life takes on new meaning when we align our actions with a sense of purpose. When I am clear about the difference I am making, I feel more alive and excited about life. Life feels worthwhile and joyful when we are making life better for others.

Over years of collaborating with leaders, coaches, and change agents, I have noticed that those who embrace a clear purpose and a goal of empowering others stand out as the most impactful. Their clarity fuels their effectiveness, allowing them to guide transformation with unwavering commitment.

Can you imagine if we each identified how we could contribute to making life better for others? The daunting challenges that define our era would be met with purposeful actions weaving a tapestry of fulfillment and joy.

Discovering your avenues of contribution requires introspection. It can take some reflection on what issues you care about, the values that fuel your passion, your skills and abilities, and what is most needed. There is no shortage of areas where we can contribute.

By actively participating in improving lives, you also engender personal growth and experience and spread joy and possibility.

A client recently asked, “How do I manage my negative thoughts? I keep seeing what is wrong, and I feel stressed.” In our busy and full lives, negative thoughts often emerge as unwelcome companions that disrupt our inner ease.

The Normalcy of Negative Thoughts

First, we must normalize that we are not alone in our struggle with negative thoughts and emotions. We have a physiological imperative to survive. Our brains are wired to scan for potential dangers naturally, and with our negativity bias, we find many things to keep us worried and stressed. I told my client, “You are not alone; this is part of our human experience.”

Harnessing Stress for Growth

Not all stress is detrimental. We need some level of stress to be motivated, to grow, and to live fully. It gets challenging when we sense we have too much stress. Of course, many factors, such as climate shifts, work pressures, family demands, polarization, and uncertainty, contribute to our stress. Acknowledging stress is a part of life, and taking conscious steps to manage it becomes paramount.

We can use our awareness of stressful thoughts and sensations as a cue to engage in practices that support our nervous system. We can each build practices into our day that support us. We are unique and must experiment to learn what practices support and calm us.

Pause, Reflect and Cool Down

We can use our sensation of stress as a cue to Stop, Step back and Cool down. Stop and give yourself space to reflect objectively when you sense negativity taking over. Cooling down allows you to shift from a reactive state to a calmer and more open perspective, enabling you to respond effectively.

The Power of Gratitude

Cultivating a sense of gratitude serves as a powerful antidote to negative thoughts. When you are spiraling into negativity, intentionally shift your focus to things that are going well and what you are grateful for. Allow yourself to fully experience gratitude, noticing how it transforms your physiological and emotional state and helps you connect with your inner ease and joy.

Art as a Path to Inner Wellbeing

Engaging with art, whether through observation or creation, can be soothing for the mind. In Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Transform Us, the authors Megsamen and Ross encourage having an aesthetic mindset where simply observing or engaging in some art form promotes joy, health, and overall wellbeing. Drawing or creating something with your hands and engaging in art can calm us at a physiological level. Studies show that art can lower stress hormones, elevating your inner equilibrium. It doesn’t matter the level of artistic skill. Many studies show that art–whether sound, colors, drawing, painting, or sculpture can reduce stress and prolong life. Engaging or enjoying art is something worth trying.

Personalizing Your Practice

As you manage negative thoughts and stress, remember that each person is unique. What works for one person might have a different impact on another. Experiment with various practices, observe the effects on your sense of JOYBeing, and develop a set of practices that resonate with you. Then weave these practices into your daily routine and build habits that support your energy, resilience, and ability to thrive.

There are many practices we can adopt to help us manage our negative thoughts and stress. What are some strategies that you find helpful?

In the relentless whirlwind of modern life, stress becomes a constant companion, demanding our attention and energy. From juggling work pressures, climate changes, political polarization, and family responsibilities, the list seems endless. Stress, in moderation, is a natural response and can support growth, but when it becomes overwhelming, it exacts a high cost to our wellbeing. However, amid this chaos lies a potent remedy often overlooked – the power of rest and relaxation.

I must confess; I was once among those who failed to grasp the importance of intentional downtime. Like many of my clients, I believed there was never enough time to pause and recharge. The allure of productivity and societal expectations nudged me away from the essential need for rest and relaxation.

Yet, as I delved deeper into the research, I discovered a surprising truth: we are actually more productive and experience more joy when we make time for play, rest, and rejuvenation. Our human system is designed to allow space for recovery and replenishment. Like a battery, we need to recharge. By embracing restful activities such as being in nature, reading, or taking walks, we grant ourselves the gift of renewed energy and a broadened perspective.

I have personally experienced the transformative effects of incorporating rest into my life. Engaging in activities like connecting with a friend, sketching, listening to a podcast or immersing myself in art has boosted my productivity and creativity. Even dedicating a few minutes to breathing exercises or yoga has remarkably enhanced my energy levels.

Furthermore, we need to consider the impact of stress on our immune system. Persistent stress weakens our body’s defenses, making us more susceptible to illness. The antidote lies in mindfulness and being present in the moment. We foster a greater sense of calm, wellbeing, and joy by taking time out to experience the present fully and let go of the burden of past and future worries.

As an executive coach, I have witnessed a remarkable transformation in my clients as they embraced the power of rest and relaxation. What was once perceived as indulgence is now understood as an investment in their overall JOYBeing–their joy in being alive. The ripple effect is palpable; those around them benefit from their positive disposition and contagious energy.

In a world where unplugging seems impossible, I invite you to trust in the power of rest and relaxation. Allow yourself the time and space to rejuvenate and observe the profound impact it has on your life. As you embrace the art of rest, may you experience a newfound sense of ease, joy, and resilience. Remember, in these moments of rest, we truly find the strength to be resilient and thrive in the face of life’s challenges.

I would love to hear about your experience of taking time for rest and rejuvenation. Do you find it hard to take a break, like I and my clients have?

An executive coaching client reported, “I realize that I am closed to some people and situations, and I am beginning to see how this may be limiting my effectiveness and influence.”

I celebrated this insight that marked a profound turning point on his transformative journey that ultimately made a difference for him, his family, and his organization.

He heard me say that taking an Open Stance is a critical skill that:
– Supports our inner development and growth so that we can be the best version of ourselves with more meaning and fulfillment
– Enables positive and productive relationships
– Allows us to manage stress and be more confident in uncertainty, and influence our environment and communities
– Shifting toward an Open Stance fosters greater awareness, adaptability, and effectiveness.

He asked me if I believed he could actually be open more often. In fact, it is a physiological imperative that we protect ourselves and survive. We naturally shift from open to closed when we perceive potential risk or danger. This is a natural built-in process. We need to respect our natural propensity. Often we close without conscious awareness. Our autonomic system shifts into a sympathetic state in the face of danger and we experience contraction and close with a fight or flight reaction.

While this mechanism serves us, we often close or contract when there is no real danger. We can learn to be aware of bodily cues when contracting, reacting, or closing. With this awareness, we can assess whether we are safe enough. When we are unsafe, our body reacts, and energy is diverted from maintenance functions to enable us to fight, flee, or close down in a frozen state.

Many of us have built the habit of staying in a revved-up state of stress, and we are quick to react. Mammals in the wild react when a predator is nearby. When the danger recedes, they shake off the stress and return to a calmer, open state. Some of us have forgotten how to return more often and quickly to what I call an Open Stance; others have called it the tend and befriend and parasympathetic state.

When we learn how to notice our somatic cues, we can more consciously assess our situations and shift into an Open Stance. With intention, we can be more aware of the felt sense of being open and engage in simple practices that support us in being available. We can become more aware of how it serves us and others in our interactions when we are present and open to what is emerging and possible.

I told my client that it is quite natural for us to close, and we need to respect our systems and that of others since our bodies are doing what they learned to keep us safe. At the same time, with curiosity, we can explore and experiment and learn new ways of being with ourselves, others, and our worlds.

As my client embraced the journey towards the Open Stance, he was less reactive and more responsive in his interactions. By becoming attuned to his internal cues, he navigated challenges with greater ease, leading to a newfound sense of adaptability and effectiveness. As he cultivated an Open Stance, others noticed the positive shift, describing him as a much more impactful and influential leader.

By nurturing curiosity and exploring new ways of being, we open ourselves to a world of possibilities, creating a ripple effect of positive change in our interactions and leadership. May you embark on this journey of discovery, embracing the Open Stance to unlock your true potential and impact those around you.

A colleague was upset that her partner did not want to sell their place and move into a different community. “How can he not see the benefits of moving? It is so frustrating!” She was pessimistic about the future, which strained their relationship. However, she tried to be open to what may unfold. A short while later, she was brimming with excitement. “I am so excited and so glad we didn’t sell.” She joined a house-sharing program. Since she lives near a university, a family quickly booked her home for the trips to drop their son off at college and the related visits, likely for the next few years. In return, my colleague will be visiting Italy for the house exchange. The transaction was very cost-effective and the prospect of international travel is a joy.

We all know that life is filled with uncertainties and unexpected turns. I have spent a lot of time and energy in my life trying to gain a sense of control. I worked hard and experienced stress.

Adopting an optimistic view of what is unfolding has been a game-changer for me. I have come to appreciate the ebb and flow of life and that things are constantly changing. Cultivating this Open Stance posture has helped me to be more in the present moment and experience more joy.

We have a negative confirmation bias and an instinct to survive that has us wired to look for what is harmful and what could go wrong. Now, I reframe setbacks and difficulties as opportunities for learning and growth. I look for what is possible.

Reflecting on the challenges in my younger years, I can now see benefits. For example, I had to work from an early age to pay for college without any support. The work experience built my confidence, and I learned to be a manager and leader early. I learned to trust my ability to overcome obstacles. Opportunities emerged for me.

Look for examples of how resilient you were in the face of challenges and setbacks. Use these examples to remind you of your courage and how life can unfold. Be kind and self-compassionate. Challenges are a part of living. Look for the opportunities and what is possible. Allow yourself to be hopeful and resilient.

Emotions are contagious, and we need more people to focus on hope and what is possible during this time in our world.

What brings you energy, and what depletes your energy? This is a question I ask my coaching clients and one I have pondered myself.

We each have a signature set of values of what is important to us and what lights us up. Interestingly, these things are so much a part of how we live that we are often unaware of what is most important to us.

Also, we often adopt values and ways of being that become worn-out clothes that no longer fit us. It is beneficial to reflect on what is most important to us during times of transition–partnering, building a family, changing roles, retirement, etc. And who isn’t experiencing a transition these days?

When we know and honor what is most important to us, we experience more meaning and joy. For example, vitality and energy are essential to me. I allow time in my day for exercise. It’s a great way to start my day. I was well aware of this value.

One day a friend told me, “You like to create things.” I had not consciously labeled this value. When I agreed that creating is important to me, I reflected that I feel most alive when I am developing a course for leaders and synthesizing ideas that will be useful and make a difference for people. I ensure I am working on a creative project that will be valuable to others.

When we do what is most important, we experience a sense of meaning, aliveness, and JOYBeing.

Notice what gives you energy and joy as well as what does not. You can ask friends and colleagues what they notice too. Commit to doing more of what is important to you and brings you energy, and see how you naturally influence others in the process.

Cultivating an Open Stance is about being open to ourselves, others, and our environment. With a sense of compassion, curiosity, and acceptance of “what is,” we unlock the gateway to joy, meaningful connections, and a world of possibilities. 

We have a natural confirmation bias that predisposes us to detect danger and dwell on negative aspects. In our interactions with others, it is easy to notice what we perceive as flaws or negative attributes. For example, we may notice someone’s lack of politeness, and label them as self-centered or focus on their pessimism.    

However, we can consciously develop the habit of looking for strengths and positive attributes in others. Everyone has natural strengths, unique talents, and valuable qualities. Regardless of how different they may be from us, we can appreciate the generosity, kindness, vision, and curiosity that exists within them. 

In her book, Leading hArtfully: The Art of Leading Through Your Heart to Discover the Best in Others, Diane Rogers suggests that we consciously magnify another’s essence. Can you imagine the positivity and profound impact that can be generated when we recognize and appreciate the strengths of those around us? We are creating a culture of positivity and empowerment.  

We all benefit from hearing about our gifts. Too many of us have been conditioned to feel “not good enough.” And too many of us hear about and focus on the areas we need to develop. By doing a simple practice of valuing the strengths of others, we can collectively shift toward a more uplifting and encouraging narrative.

Take a moment to look for others’ strengths, value them, and offer appreciation to them for these qualities. Try an experiment and look for the gifts in others and notice the impact on them and you. For example, you could say to a friend, colleague, or acquaintance, “I appreciate your dedication to volunteering, your positive perspective, or your kind smile.”

Observe the ripple effects of this simple act of appreciation on both them and yourself. A simple Open Stance moment of validation can sow the seeds of joy and possibilities. 

I welcome hearing about your experience and what you notice.