Are You Really Listening?

Posted on February 20, 2019 by Ann Van Eron

It is easy to ask questions of people without waiting for a response. I know I have done this when I am in a hurry. “Hi. How are you? How is your ill mother? Are you traveling this holiday?” Sometimes we are asking questions just as a way of saying hello as we are passing by without really looking for a response. However, we need to be aware of our impact and provide space for a response.

Mary told me that a client “sucks the energy out of the room.” When I inquired further, it became clear that her client asked many questions without pausing to really listen. Mary feels that the client does not really care about her and she braces herself when interacting with the client. I suspect that her client is not aware of the lack of real connection. Perhaps she is genuinely interested but feels rushed inside and has not learned to slow down and give Mary full attention.

Notice your pattern. Do you pepper people with questions without leaving space for a response or are you genuinely interested and give people attention to hear their response?

Ask Questions for Which You Don’t Have Answers

Posted on February 14, 2019 by Ann Van Eron

To grow the creativity and curiosity muscle it is useful to ask questions and then listen fully. Sarah practices this regularly. When she meets someone new she is really interested in learning more about them and their background. She asks many questions. “Where did you grow up?” “What do you do for fun?” “What kind of challenges have you faced?” “What do you hope to accomplish?” “What holds you back?” “What supports you?” After a conversation with Sarah, the other person feels connected with her and often learns something about themselves as they reflect and share. Sarah often acquires a new friend. Because of her curiosity and the ability to give space for a person to speak, people are often vulnerable, share themselves, and experience a sense of connection.

It takes intention and skill to be open-minded and curious about another person and to ask questions where the answers are not known. Then it takes intention to engage by fully listening.

When we ask questions in which we are curious and don’t know the answers a sense of space is created for discovery and possibilities.

I encourage you to consciously try asking questions where you don’t know the answers. Be open and curious to learn and see what evolves and what you discover. Enjoy the process too.

The Transformational Power of Alignment

Posted on September 14, 2018 by Ann Van Eron

Alignment

“We don’t talk with each other.” “The leaders each have their own fiefdom.” “Our stock price is tanking and we are fighting each other.” “We have too many priorities.” “Nothing is being done well.” “What are we trying to do?”

It is not uncommon to find leaders each operating with their own assumptions in an effort to create success. However, given their different backgrounds and experiences each focuses on what he or she deems is most important. Often energy is wasted and the price of misalignment is high. It is costly for the leaders and even more so for those reporting to them.

I assume you have experienced the frustration, decreased energy and commitment drain when you have worked in a system where you believe the leaders are misaligned, not listening and the direction is unclear. On the other hand, there is increased creativity and innovation and success seems to flow when there is open-mindedness and alignment.

What can you do? I suggest three steps:

Schedule a transformational retreat
Collect perspectives
Engage in dialogue for alignment

Schedule a transformational retreat

Devoting time for dialogue and connection is useful when a team or an organization is newly formed. It is great to define expectations and agreements and support a positive beginning. When changes are going to be introduced, it is helpful to ensure that leaders are on the same page and speaking the same language. A merger, reorganization or a new leader or a significant change, each create uncertainty and the need for alignment and dialogue. While it can be challenging to find a date, it is useful to announce the intention to create a positive environment for dialogue and alignment.

Collect perspectives

As part of my work facilitating a leadership team retreat I speak with each member of the team and other key stakeholders before we all meet. It is amazing how different the perspectives are on what is happening and what should be done. Each person is seeing the environment and the situation from their vantage point. The marketing person shares her concern about how the competition is gaining market share and poaching key people and emphasizes the need to invest in facilities and promotion. The finance person talks about market share and the need to reduce expenses. The technology leader believes that the company can be transformed by investing in new processes. The business line heads may hope to acquire other businesses or grow their business.

Often each person also complains about what others are doing or not doing and what the leader should do. Each believes that he or she is right. And it is clear that they don’t all see the whole situation.

Most of the time the leaders are busy with their function or business lines and have not had the space or support to genuinely step back and assess the best direction for the enterprise given changing conditions. The value of a retreat is that all the views can be put on the table in an open atmosphere. Leaders can collectively step back from their own day-to-day challenges and look at the larger picture together. In the process, they get to know one another more and learn skills.

As a team and executive coach, I use the interviews before the retreat as an opportunity to coach and challenge leaders to try new behaviors and explore other perspectives.

Engage in dialogue for alignment

With the support of a facilitator/coach the various views can be surfaced and explored in the context of developing a shared strategy. Engaging in open-minded dialogue strengthens the team by enhancing trust.

I like to jumpstart retreats by sharing the multiple perspectives regarding the business and how the team is working. I share that it is natural that participants have different perspectives and encourage the group not to make each other wrong. Participants want the organization to succeed and need to see that they rise and fall together in the same boat. By sharing the findings from interviews upfront, people know that the issues are on the table and they can get to work to clarify their vision and priorities. I also work with teams to clarify their criteria for decision- making and what they will postpone or not do. This can be one of the most challenging conversations. In addition to aligning on the strategy and priorities, the team focuses on being open-minded and how to engage in positive and productive conversations. Participants listen and give empathy to one another. They experience a new way of interacting and co-creating agreements. I teach participants the OASIS Conversations process that supports them in being open-minded and curious and creating understanding and agreements. Participants agree on the kind of culture they will inspire together.

The transformational experience is unforgettable. When people come together to work on a shared goal and support one another, it is exciting and worthwhile. Leaders realize that they can achieve goals and make a difference together.

When team members leave a meeting aligned on their vision, strategy, priorities, processes and values they are prepared to lead together. They agree on structures and practices to ensure sustainable success. The alignment is palpably experienced by others and can be communicated across the organization.

How aligned is your team and are they engaged in open-minded conversations?

How to create alignment is one of the topics we discuss in Use Your Next Leadership Retreat to Launch a Transformation: Learn the Process September 24 from 12 – 4:30 at the Catalyst Ranch in Chicago. Learn more here.

Jackie Sloane and Ann Van Eron are seasoned executive coaches, and work together with leaders to create transformational interventions and retreats for public sector, corporate, privately-held and not-for-profit entities.

What Conversations are Needed for Transformation?

Posted on August 8, 2018 by Ann Van Eron

Conversations

Don’t underestimate the power of open-minded conversations.

If you are like most organizations and leaders, you are experiencing disruption. You are experiencing pressure from within and outside your company. You are introducing new technology, you are facing greater competition, you have changes in leadership and focus. You worry about engagement and having the right talent. You need people to think and behave in a different way to achieve challenging goals. Sometimes it is a matter of life or death for the future of the enterprise.

For example, an organization we worked with experienced a merger where very different cultures joined. There were conflicts among leaders about where to spend resources and devote energy. There were different perceptions about what was needed with different demands from senior leadership and the external clients. The misalignment and conflicts were felt throughout the system.

We spoke with the leaders to understand their perspectives and brought them together for open-minded dialogue. They needed to align as a leadership team and organization to make a real difference for clients and to survive in the increasingly pressured marketplace.

First, the leadership team needed to build trust. This was not easy. However, once the different perspectives were shared and each identified what they needed to feel respected they found common ground and that they could see themselves as the team to succeed.

They created a shared vision and aligned around where they would focus energy.

They found synergies when they stopped fighting one another. They agreed on their roles and responsibilities and developed processes such as cadences for how they would communicate with each other and the organization.

They clarified the kind of culture they wanted and the mindset and behaviors they expected. They agreed to move from competing with each other to achieving together. They planned to move from each group acting as an island to finding and benefitting from synergies. They planned to move from excluding to respectful inclusion and dialogue. They agreed to say “we” rather than “they” when referring to each other.

There is great power in bringing a leadership team together for dialogue. Open-minded conversations are essential for transformation. No matter how compelling the need for change, it requires real understanding and agreement on how to co-create a future together. Too much energy is wasted when there is talking at one another or polite talk. There needs to be genuine understanding, alignment and agreements. Of course, the conversations need to continue among the leadership team and throughout the system.

Conversations are key to creating a shared vision and culture to achieve goals. Don’t underestimate the power of conversations for transformation. How are you promoting transformational conversations?

—

Please join us for a free, introductory Zoom online webinar on Leading the Transformational Retreat, on August 23rd @ 12:30 pm Central Time.

https://bit.ly/2M9x6O6

In this program, we will hear your challenges, offer insights and share a powerful coaching model we use to support leaders and others in creating, launching and sustaining transformation in their organizations. We will also answer questions about our upcoming half-day, live, in-person seminar program September 24th in Chicago on supporting leaders in creating, launching, and managing culture change.

Embodied Decision Making

Posted on July 13, 2018 by Ann Van Eron

Stop_Decisions “I don’t know what direction to pursue.” “Should I change jobs or start a business or stay with my current role?” “Should we have a baby?” “Should I apply?” “Should I say yes?” Often coaching clients are stressed over important decisions and even less important ones. We have so many choices and each has consequences. When we say yes to one road we are losing out on the other. Sometimes we do have to make a choice rather than try to do it all.

We can write a list of pros and cons for each choice and even then the ideal solution is not apparent. Sometimes we are trying to make a decision using our analytical skills without listening to what our body is revealing.

We each have a set of unique values of what is important to us. When we are honoring these values we generally feel at ease and choices are smoother. For example, a client was deciding if he should take a job offer. We reviewed what was most important to him. These included time with family, a challenge, financial security and critically important was space for creativity to address big issues without being second-guessed. When he has this freedom, he feels most respected, alive and on top of his game. He immediately felt assured in his choice after visiting how the options satisfied his values. He knew not just intellectually, but he felt his body relax and felt at ease with his decision. Before checking-in he was not comfortable with the choices.

Sometimes we need a longer time to listen to our body and get a “felt-sense” of what course we will choose. A client was questioning whether to have a child. The challenge was that each time she thought of having a child, she immediately thought of reasons not to. In this case, I asked her to experiment with imagining having a child for a week and notice her reactions and then she spent a week imagining not having a baby. She became aware of concerns and also excitement about the possibilities. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to try on different options and pay attention to what we notice or sense. She eventually decided to have a child and most importantly, her head/analytical and body and intuition were congruent with the decision.

Trust the clues your body is giving you when you have reservations about a decision and then respectfully listen and learn. You may practice this more easily for simple decisions like what to order in a restaurant. You can build the muscle of listening to make embodied decisions.

Having the intention and practicing to listen within is a key competency of emotional intelligence. Make it your intention to pause and check-in with yourself. What do you sense?

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”—Aristotle

We’re in this Together: Begin a Conversation

Posted on July 3, 2018 by Ann Van Eron

Juggling

Our task is to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty. —Albert Einstein

It’s not hard to notice that we are becoming more and more polarized and engaging in less conversations as we experience more disruption. We are plagued by volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. No doubt, globalization, technological changes, diversity (including four generations in the workplace), political and environmental developments and the rapid speed of change is creating fear and worry for many.

Neuroscience research is showing that we are reacting to changes and that our emotions of fear and distrust are contagious. The lack of trust and worry pervades communities, workplaces and homes. It is easy to blame others. There is a need for respect and hopefulness. The challenge is that we all perceive respect differently and we need dialogue to understand what people need to feel safe, valued and creative.

There are solutions available. If we adapt an open mindset and have the skills and courage to engage in conversations we can collectively create solutions that will benefit all.

When working with an organization, managers and others can easily focus on what they perceive is wrong with their peers and resort to conflict and resistance. However, when an environment is created for listening, empathy and understanding the team embraces their common goals and are able to work collectively together for a larger vision. I believe that we can each be leaders by noticing our reactions and shifting to being open and looking for creative possibilities. I think of this as creating an oasis-like environment where we are appreciative of what is working and what is possible.

Organizations and individuals generally want many of the same things. However, without real conversations it is easy to assume negative intent of others. Instead, when choosing to assume positive intent and being open to listen, transformation is possible. None of us can see the whole picture or have all the answers. We need each other and we are in this together.

Conservatives want to conserve what is working and good in a system and progressives want to make things work and be effective. There is common ground. However, when people become fundamental and assume that only their way is right, there is little room for understanding and effectiveness. And so much energy is wasted that could have been devoted to bettering the system for all.

You may wonder, “What can I do? I am just one person.” However, we can each contribute to a better workplace, community or family. We can choose to be open to others who may appear to have different perspectives. We can engage in conversations and simple acts of kindness. Take the step of listening and supporting another person today.

For example, we can choose to engage with someone from a different group who may look or seem different. A manager can be open to someone he or she rarely engages with. People with different philosophies can speak with one another about what is working and what is possible. If we each choose to take small steps we will feel less polarized and see more potential. We will feel like we are doing something constructive rather than feeling out of control and helpless. Many of us engaging in open-minded conversations with a commitment for positive action for the benefit of all will make a difference.

This can be a time of opportunity. Notice your emotions, breathe, focus on possibilities. Engage with someone who has a different perspective. Listen and expect new options to emerge.

Make Time for Conversations in the Face of Urgency

Posted on June 22, 2018 by Ann Van Eron

Conversations

People are not pulling their weight. I am replacing my team members. I am disappointed in what people are achieving. I feel I am carrying the weight of the challenge on my shoulders. I don’t have time for conversations or to develop people. I need to be successful or my tenure is at risk.

The disruptions in the marketplace and sense of urgency are resulting in many shifts in leadership and a sense of uncertainty. Often the magnitude of change and need for transformation are so apparent to leaders that they sense they don’t have time for real conversations. However, without open-minded conversations everyone is operating with their own assumptions and a lot of energy is wasted on guessing, resistance and defensiveness that could be directed to solving challenges. People start focusing on who may be let go next and their creative energy is drained. The opportunities for synergy are missed.

I know, it feels hard to create time when you are so busy with meetings and planning. Plus, you sense it may not be worth the effort.

There is nothing more exciting than working together to achieve a challenge that seems almost impossible. This requires a sense of trust and open-minded conversations. When I ask people to share peak team experiences they recount times when the odds against succeeding seemed slim, yet a team of people focused on a common vision, used their strengths, communicated effectively and creatively won the prize.

Executive Coaching clients often report that conversations with team members and staff make all the difference. The air is cleared, multiple perspectives are shared and people can align and conquer challenges together. They agree on where to focus and save energy by building positive and productive relationships.

In the face of urgency and the need for transformation, make time for Open-minded conversations.

“Keep your mind open to opportunities. They are closer than you think.”—Anonymous

Risk a Conversation

Posted on May 31, 2018 by Ann Van Eron

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“I believe we can change the world if we just start talking to one another again.”—Margaret Wheatley

“I am looking for another position.” A client told me that he planned to transfer or leave his job. I was surprised since he had seemed to be enjoying his work and his recent presentation to his company was positively received.

He was hurt and disappointed that his team members had not attended his company presentation. While some had wished him well and even said they looked forward to his presentation, they were not in the auditorium. My client assumed that his colleagues did not, in fact, support him. He was sad, hurt and felt disrespected. He wanted to leave as soon as possible.

He was aware of the OASIS Conversation process and after a few weeks of suffering, and some encouragement, he decided to have a conversation with a team member about the event. After all, he had little to lose since he would be leaving anyway.

He began, “I was surprised that most of the team did not show up for my presentation. I assume people are not comfortable with my leadership and I am disappointed.” His colleague was dumbfounded. In fact, the opposite was the case. On the day of my client’s presentation, there had been a bit of a crisis with their program, and all of his team had banded together to address it. They had not told their leader since they knew of his big presentation in front of the company and they did not want to disturb him. His colleagues had stayed behind and handled the issue. They listened to his talk virtually or viewed the video. No one thought to tell my client about the crisis since it had been diverted.

My client’s assumption that his team did not support him was absolutely wrong. He suffered for weeks and almost left his position. He was grateful that he had risked the conversation.

Notice your assumptions. What conversation can you risk engaging in?

What’s Your Narrative?

Posted on May 3, 2018 by Ann Van Eron

Narrative

“With awareness, we can make conscious choices, instead of letting our habitual thoughts and patterns run the show.”—Tamara Levitt

I often feel like I have a bird on my shoulder commenting on how things are progressing. Do you also? Most of us have that inner voice speaking to us all day. It is noting what is wrong and what may go wrong and even what is working—sometimes. Often, we think that voice is us. I know that I experience suffering when I repeatedly hear things like, “You are not getting enough done.” Or “Things are not going the way they should.”

While we tend to identify with these voices, they are actually habitual patterns that we have learned though our life experiences and conditioning. I find with executive coaching clients and myself that we can become so used to these voices that we think they are the truth and we don’t see or even look for other perspectives. However, when we step back, we can begin to notice patterns that may not be serving us. It did serve me to tell myself that I am not getting enough done when I was a student with a heavy load. The voice served me and kept me focused. In fact, most of our habitual patterns did serve us at some point and may not be as valuable at this point.

By being kind to ourselves and self-compassionate, we can notice and explore the value of our habitual patterns. We can begin to experiment with new narratives.

Rather than feel like a victim and complain, one client noticed her pattern and began to trust that her teen was learning and growing in a challenging situation and expected him to succeed. This shift in narrative helped her to refrain from constant yelling and did indeed give her son space to thrive.

A client noted his worry about a colleague’s productivity. His instinct was to see what is wrong first. This was a learned habit that has helped him to pay attention to details and require others to do so too. However, his habitual pattern of expecting the worse did not endear him to his colleague.

He worked to change his internal narrative. He practiced noticing when he was being negative and to then look for what the person was doing well. This simple shift of noticing and looking for what he appreciates changed his relationship with his colleague and himself.

Like any habit, it is simple but not easy to make such shifts. However, with intention and practice, my client changed his narrative and changed the way he internally felt. In addition, his relationship with his team benefited since emotions are contagious.

Notice a predominant narrative and reflect on how the habitual pattern may be serving you. If it is not, begin to shift your internal conversation and experiment with a new narrative.

What is your Resilience Strategy?

Posted on April 26, 2018 by Ann Van Eron

Resilience

“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails.”—Elizabeth Edwards

The head of Learning and Development of a large organization asked, “Are your other clients experiencing the same level of stress as our leaders?” Her organization, like most these days, is experiencing significant disruption. Most feel overwhelmed as they try to keep up with the current workload, create a new direction, and respond to changing market conditions and the introduction of new technology while supporting others.

Many leaders are stressed and overwhelmed. They are working long hours and don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Some are opting to leave stressful environments. Others are building their resilience strategies and are positively influencing others.

We all face challenges and setbacks in the workplace and in other dimensions of our lives. Resilience is our capacity to respond to these pressures and disappointments effectively.

It is important to reflect and reframe your mindset regarding the stressful time and to develop some habits that keep you present and grounded to see what needs to be done and what can be let go. (I find that often leaders fail to consider what not do.)

Each of my clients develops their own ritual or practice. For example, you can start your day visualizing positive and productive interactions rather than focusing on how hard things are. You can ground yourself by noticing your feet and taking some long deep breaths to feel centered. Then remind yourself that “things are working out”and if things don’t go exactly as you want, you will learn and make things work. It is useful to remember that life is a growth opportunity and that we learn the most when we face such challenges. You can also be grateful that you have a job, home, health etc.

It is also important to check in with yourself and make sure you are taking care of yourself. The basics are vital—getting enough sleep, eating nourishing food, moving and connecting with friends and engaging in real conversations. Giving and receiving empathy and being vulnerable creates community and lightens our load.

Take time to identify what fortifies you and eases your stress and follow your resilience strategy. Engage a friend to track your progress and learning. I wish you ease.